confictsSS 0x0x0x

It has been a long time since the last time I came here. wow, a lot of things to do,more busy than a buzz buzz working bee. College, childcare center, Chinese New Year, etc... bla bla bla. A lot...
The Chinese New Year was so boring that I just kept watching movies at cinema. And the cinema is really "high" standard that I was sweating all the way while waiting for the postponed movie. -.-!!!
The life is really packed, especially the change of the study schedule makes my life a little upside down, hardly cope with the afternoon class as I have to wake up very early to go to work. Wow, it is fantastic and I am like super woman! The superwoman that is not flying but drive by mama here and there. hahaha. It is even worse when I have my dancing class and have to give my brother tuition at night. However, I would not blame all of these as they are my choices.
In order to release myself so that I would not collapse anytime and I can get better from my illness, I have to make choices that really reluctant for me to do so. First, I plan to quit my job. It is quite heart-tearing as I love the kids so much and I wish I can help them to do better. The other reason is that I know I am disappointing people that having very high hope on me... I am sorry to say, but I have to quit for all's benefit. I kept measuring what should and what should not do... I know there wouldn't be gaining if there is no losing. that is really the matter of student vs teacher vs worker. wow imagine I have to play at least 3 roles in a day. what to say a daughter, sister,cousin, friend...owww, luckily I'm not bipolar~
If I quit the job, i can concentrate more on my studies, as I take 6 subjects this semester, I wish I can cope with it. Another thing is that I wish I can get more time to rest so to "repair" my body system. I am going to visit to Chinese physician and rest according to his advice. OMx my body defense mechanism is so weak these 2 years! My cough still not healed for around 2 months -.-.Hate coughing. It makes me look so stupid! I think one of the reason is because I did not eat medicine.wakakaka
Actually my kids are at my most concern. f I quit the job, my students can get a better teacher that can concentrate on them so that they can learn at their very best and their potentials can be seen. I do not wish they keep waiting for me or I keep interfere their studies or revision because of my time table. I always remember that some of the children kept asking me previous week," teacher, why yesterday you didn't come?" And then I have to explain overall again to them. They are cute, nice and innocent, even though some of them are naughty, bad-tempered, spoiled, destructive... I see them as my own kids, and now I have to leave them. It will certainly takes time for me to overcome it and I wish the students are the same. I wish I would not hear anything from my sister like "the children asked why you are not coming" and whatsoever. They will be the best without me^^
The last one, being a worker, I don't think I fulfill my duty and my responsibility has not been done. I always feel guilty about this. I don't want other to think that I am here because I want to earn money, that is not true. The high salary that the boss gives me make me even ashame. I saw how hard my boss has worked because of me, changing of the time table over and over, bringing me for trip and course, driving me to visit doctor... Can you find such a good and caring boss in this world? No. Perhaps by putting down all the loads on my shoulder, I can feel more relief, so do my boss as she does not need to think so much for my sage. I just hope that she will agree if I want to visit the kids and help her for sometimes. ^^ I really appreciate very much on what she had done to me and my sister. Her care and consideration towards me can never be returned to her. Thank you very much and I will always think of you and your teachings.
There are people walking in and out throughout our lives. We cannot stop them to walk away, but we can stop our memory to think of them for some moments. The most important thing is how we take it, measure it and face it.
Nothing is perfect,
nothing lasts long,
nothing does not hurt...
embrace the conflicts,
smile to the conflicts,
endure the conflicts...
Life is simply because I ever met you...
thank you very much for letting me to know you and walked into your lives.
have a nice day.
Gambate!

definition of a beautiful heart

one day,
a young man was standing in the middle of a town,
proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart,
it was perfect.
There is not mark or a flaw in it.
Suddenly,
an old man appeared and said,
Your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine.
The young man looked at the old man's heart,
It was beating strongly but it was full or scars, jagged edges and holes.
He laughed, “You must be joking,” he said, “compare your heart with mine,
mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears.”
“Yes,” the old man said,
“every scar represent a person to whom i have given my love,
i tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart,
but the sometime the pieces isn't exact,
i have some rough edges, which i cherish,
because they remind me of the love we shared.
Sometimes i have given pieces of my heart away,
and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me.
These are the empty gouges – giving love, is taking a chance.
Although these gouges are painful, they stay open.
Reminding me of the love I have for these people too,
and i hope someday they may return and fill the space i have waiting.”
“So now, do y'ou see what true BEAUTY is?”
WHAT is YOUR HEART like?
Did you PROTECT it so well that it is perfect without scars?
Have you touched someone's LIFE today?
Sometimes it hurts, but it is when LIFE counts!