我还在，我相信你也一样

兜兜转转，又回到这里……
有些事情，不敢告诉你，也不想别人知道我的不安，
或许，只能来这里了。
也许这里是唯一一个你不会来的地方，
也许是你不在了，我的安全感也随之而去；
也许，就算你来了，你也不会查看或明白我到底写了什么；
也许，是担心你读了会生气，所以选了一个你不明白的语言为媒介；
也许，你懂了，反而会怪我不相信你不了解你然后对我生气质问……
我不是故意的，只是太担心了。
你一个人离家而去，我摸不着看不到，看不到你过得好不好……
我过多的关怀和担忧，有时确实让我自己很讨厌自己。

你总是说我不相信你，其实你知道吗？
我相信你，但是我还是会害怕……
害怕你在那里学了很多东西，嫌我知识浅；
害怕你在那里开阔了视野，嫌我什么都不懂；
害怕你什么都不告诉我，嫌我碍手碍脚越帮越忙；
害怕你因为我过多的担心和关心，嫌我烦；
害怕你在外经历了不一样的事情，嫌我们文化变得不同了；
害怕你因为我们遭遇经历不同，对我不理不睬；
害怕得不敢和你吵，默默地吞下不安和委屈……

你常要我自己去找答案要我去探索，而我每每做错搞错弄错；
因为我不明白，为何你可以为别人学习语言为单词查字典，
而对我却呼呼喝喝说我写了些你不懂的东西……
你不知道，我为了踏上你的脚步而向你的方向奔跑；
跌跌撞撞，却总是以争执收场……
我多么希望你会哄哄我，说你爱我。
可是你总会说是我的不是，错在于我。
我只是希望我们意见不合时，你让着我，说你在乎我爱我……
但是，你最终都会选择避开，把我留在吵架的空间遐想徘徊，把问题扔给我一个人独自面对。
第二天，你又从新reset,像完全没有事情那样，我做不到，因为我的心还是疼着……
其实我也试过让着你迁就你，可是你从来都不会吃这一套，
对你来说，我错了，所以不可原谅；所以你生气；
直到我的眼泪不听话的流下来，你才惊觉，我真的受伤了。

我们的爱，到底怎么了……
我好怀念你专心和我对话的样子；
我好想念你不停的说爱我的作怪模样；
我好想再看到你依依不舍不挂电话的眷恋；
我好希望你会了解，我只希望你一切安好。
我相信你会很好的。

有人在吗？

有人来了，
有人走了；

有人笑了，
有人哭了；

有人得到了，
有人失去了；

有人问为什么，
有人沉默不语；

有人学会了，
有人怎么也学不会；

有人爱了，
有人不想再爱了……

离家出走那一天

生活变了，
时而迷茫，
完全迷失方向；
时而清晰，
为了梦想跌得遍体鳞伤。

在这个浩瀚宇宙，
我不会说我想要什么，
而是什么才是我能抓住的？

有人说，
出走，
到外旅游，
是找回自己的最好方法。
也许有一天，
我会自个儿提着个背包，
消失在这个小巷中……

也许有一天，
你发现我不见了；
又或许哪一天，
你在某处看见我的照片，
里面有令人窒息的风景，
或是平静的湖泊，
也有挂着笑脸的我，

那么，
请你放心，
在外漂泊的我，
已经找回那个失去的自我。

对不起，我爱你

好久都没上来了，才发现原来这里是最好抒发心情的地方。
很多事情都不能对人说，不能对他说，不能在facebook写，这里没有人，或许比较适合。

都好久了，我也不明白事情出在哪里，一味的附和着你，以为这样事情就会解决。可是我呢？谁又来迁就我呢？总觉得很累，不知道事情要怎么解释才能清楚透彻。
总是让自己过得很开心，可是我知道心底还有一些事情，总是逃避不了，不论我如何快乐，快乐过后，悲伤接踵而来。

有时撑得很累，可是都没有依靠。我又能对谁说呢？
我以为我们很好，没有问题。可是我一直看见一个缺口，无论我怎么补，都没有用，因为那个洞，要靠两个人的力量来填满，但是你只会在那里洒盐，痛上加痛。
你一直认为你做得很好，其实你也懂自己不好，可是你却从来没有为我的利益为我想过。也许，你看见的和我看见的不同，就像我看不见的，你都看见了一样吧！

我不懂我们为什么会到这个地步，觉得很难过，可是却无计可施。
或许我真的不懂，就因为我独立，我能照顾自己，所以当我生病时，当我需要你时，你都可以放任我一个人， 然后当我向你提起，你都认为我无理取闹？

我不知道，或许我应该像以前那样，过着没有你生活的生活那样，一个人生活。唯一不同的是，我多了个可以sms的人。也许这样想，我会比较好过。

我不担心你会看见这篇文章，因为你从来都不会理会，我到底是怎么想的。
我一边写，一边忍住眼泪，告诉自己“我很坚强”，因为我知道我会好的。
我相信，我们会好的。

心痛之后，应该会有快乐吧？
期许着……

my recent life

it has been half a year since my last post. Time just fly off in a blink of eye. wow~ many things happened yet most of them were solved. I guessed? hahaha
recently is very busy with my assignment, plus the unlucky angel is flying on top of my head, I have to rush for my assignments as my laptop would die very soon! urggghhh~
things had been spoiled and broken since few weeks ago... my pocket is getting drier and drier... Have I finished my good luck? or somebody is cursing me at the back? hahaha. even my ring can get broken, how lucky I am, huh？ >.<
anyway, life still goes on, and I am waiting for some day to come, some big and significant day for me... I just hope everything goes smoothly and I know somebody will be there for me ^^ hehehe.
there were some events happening like the 30 hour famine camp, dreamers and prom night... and we manage to sponsor a child from Myanmar, happyING^^
will post these events on as soon as possible, hahaha. life is getting toucher and i am a bit worried...
what is my future???
be happy and cheer!
good luck and have a nice day!

21st birthday celebration

My birthday is on 13th of March but I celebrated early because it is more convenient and most people are free on weekend ba~ hehehe. Anyway, the plan had started a week before that. I was searching for the cake and planned what dishes to cook on that big day! It was quite fun but there were minor disagreements along. however, everything went on smoothly. except for I was quite tiring going out and coming back for times.

On Sunday night, I dressed up earlier and waited for guests. I was actually expecting to start the feast on 7 but it ended up we started at 7.30pm. ha! mummy cooked alone at kitchen. that's the reason.

well, nothing much can do because that was a large group of people and my place is limited. anyway, we had BBQ! hahaha.

I couldn't imagine there were so many people coming than I expected. hmmm. Facebook event invitation doesn't really help much. hahaha.

we talked, we ate and we took photos!!!!!!!

this is my college mates, ADP! yeah! a lot of them coming, shocked me. hahaha. Some of them had just come back from Korea in the morning and at night they came to my party, how touched~ =')

hahaha. they brought my party joyfulness~ THANK YOU EVERYONE!

this is my stampin friends. hmmm, not many can come as a lot are 'outstationed'. hahaha. even my mushrooms cannot attend. a bit disappointed la, but they wished me and love me as usual, I know it! hahaha. :p 

 and this is my birthday cake. chocolate cake weighed 2kg. I was quite disappointed with it but many of my friends said it is nice =.=///

 and this is me, when they sang birthday song for me. awww~ first time in my life there were so many people singing birthday song for me. hahaha. TOUCHED~~~

 and this was me, granting for 3 wishes. hahaha. secrets, cannot be told^^

 and this is my family! but younger sister was not here as she is still in NS. anyway, to let her to feel the merriness, I bought her a small cake in the morning when we visited her at the temple.

 this is a photo with my ex-boss, Madam Cecelia. Felt so happy she could come. She is one of the most important people in my life who helped me a lot.^^ thank you~ and the three girls are her lovely daughters.^^

and this is natasha, My college good friend.^^

 these were the presents and angpaus I got, hehehe. So many and I love all of them! hahaha. thank you for picking such nice gifts for me!!!

 this is from Elina, Claudia, Moi and Natasha. wow, I was surprised when I opened it! hahaha. I just thought of buying nail polishers and they bought me already^^ thanks girls!

and this is my KEY!!! mummy, dad and sis bought it for me. after my request! though mummy always said no need but at last she still bought it for me. hehehe. and cook all the nice dishes for us. thanks^^ <3 you!

and this bag,hahaha, Love it! greenish blue! lalala. i don have to buy bag liao^^ thanks Nina and Jasmine

 

and this is from mushrooms! chocolate! my addiction! hahaha thanks Hui and Foong even though Foong couldn't attend. ^^ <3 <3 <3

and this is from Darling jane. Maybe we are too closed until she knew I always headache? so she gave me this... this is not mask, it is for headache. COOL~ hahaha

there are still a lot of presents but I couldn't mention it all here. I love them all, OK? no bias! hahaha.

thanks a lot for spending time with me on the party and sorry for anything that is unsatisfied.

THANK YOU and much APPRECIATION from me!!!

after all, it was a great night for me, in spite of my painful mouth and the alcohol allergy. hahaha.

thanks everyone for putting effort to come and my family who helped to clean and cook and everything.

Love you all!!!

21 years old, a new beginning, 

a more mature me.^^

jia you 

good luck!!!

Because you live, I live

It has been more than two months
it had been very joyful months and thanks to you
my love
missing and loving are worthwhile
when you are not around
for we are still holding our hearts closed

I have been waiting and looking for an answer

for who would be the one stay

somehow

somewhere

I know what I didn't know

upon loving you

♬ Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky  ♫

I am so glad I found an angel

someone who loves and cares for me

someone who is here when the world stumbled me

Thank you for being here

please take care when I am not around

remember to enjoy your life and please,

be safe.

I am waiting for you to come back

and give me a big warm hug

<3 you

我的你

我的你

曾经是个不可能

却成了今天的恋人

谢谢你还在

感谢你

让一切的不可能发生

经过了几次的争吵

度过了几个白昼黑夜

庆幸我们依然紧握彼此的手

其中的不安、辛酸及不确定

都被你的爱一一融解了

谢谢你的陪伴及呵护

看你小心翼翼的

将我用剩余纸张做成的“卡片”收进口袋

看着你开心得像个小孩

我比谁都还满足

当你抱着我说谢谢

我知道你真的很感动

那一刻的悸动

一直在我脑海里旋转

偶尔吵吵嘴

偶尔吃吃醋

偶尔小惊喜

偶尔嫌一嫌彼此

也是种乐趣

我明白自己不是最好的

也许我什么都不会

什么都不知道

不浪漫不知趣不像其他女生一样

还有一大堆病

可是，

我会是最爱你的

我的你，

谢谢你的包容

谢谢你给我的爱

谢谢你为我单调的生活彩色

为你我要做更好的人~

情人节快乐！ <3

2012 New Year Visiting

 Chinese New Year 2013 fell on 23rd of January. when I am posting this, it is already Chap Goh Mei. hahaha.
This year began with challenging circumstances yet there were some memorable events happening on me too. hehehe. New year, everything is never the same anymore. I am growing ^^
This new year was quite different in a way that some friends came over for more than 5 times in a week. you know who you are.hahaha.
the first day of CNY always boring as I stayed home. anyway, this was the first time in this new house (because we just moved in ba~) hahaha.
the next few days I was not at home anymore, followed friends for visitings and out for supper at night bla bla bla... it was very surprising that this year most friends could gather together to go visiting. felt like I was going back to secondary school again, with my lovely secondary school mates^^ and it is a good thing for all of us still in contact with each others, it had been 3 years anyway!!! ha!
below are some of the pictures taken in different friends' houses.

this one was taken at Li Xian's house. she looked more like a waitress that day, busy like a buzz buzz bee.hahaha

after that we went to 3rd mushroom aka Ching Foong's house. and the guys were really =.= and we looked like taking family photo didn't we? hahaha. and someone face so thick, asked for a photo shot with Foong's brother. hahaha.

then we still went to Puan Phang's and some other friends' house, too tired to take photos anymore.

however, the next day, we continued for 2nd round visiting. ha! this time only went to Yun and Jane's house. hahaha.

see what stupid thing we did.lalala

taken in Yun's room. hahaha. 

kept thinking what pose we had.lalala

see, we are so creative.

from the left, don't talk, don't hear, don't want, don't smell and don't see. hahaha

dragon year, of course had to take picture with some related thing la~ seriously, i don't know why Yun laughed so happily.hahaha

and it is me! in the dragon year!

and the next day, I went for class gathering at Sharing Planet. hahaha. around half of class joined, so happy to meet some of the old friends. see, we are all grown up and be more prettier and handsome. thanks for crossing my life and shared the memories.

 now, CNY had officially ended after tonight, no more CNY mood! ha! Wish all of us a happy year and all the best!
good luck!
gambate!

我们都要幸福！

聪明的你

肯定发现了我的不安

没有打破没有多问

迅速地道了晚安

对阿~

那就是你

留下我一个人

独自微笑着流泪

眼泪已经在眼圈打转

嘴角却硬挂个微笑

怕你知道

其实我很难过

最难过的是

明明很难过

却还假装一点都不难过

微笑着看着你

明知道你不适合自己

却一头栽进去

现在明白了

我还是喜欢一个人生活

没有你，

“怎么办”不会出现在我口中

你的所有一切

好的坏的

喜欢的不喜欢的

我都默默的接受

不哭不吵不闹

不乱吼不乱发脾气

连微笑都小心翼翼

以遮掩我的不确定和介意

眼泪在眼角却被逼退回去的痛

有多疼多难多委屈

都已经麻木了

从哪刻开始

我们之间有了隔阂

跨不过这道心的马路

是因为你没打算牵着我过

还是我在十 字路口和你失散

走错了方向

不想依靠

担心哪天若没有了这个肩膀

我的依赖

会变成怎样的无赖

不想像小孩一样粘着你烦着你

懂得何时得转身

才不至于让你看见自己的眼泪

一直告诉自己

要坚强

我很好

不准哭

眼泪却像窗外安静的雨

不听使唤的嘀嗒落下

其实自己一点都不好

却硬逼自己一定要坚强

因为这样

才能让你看见最美的我

才能让你觉得我不在乎

那个不好的我

那些不好的事情

留给自己就好

快乐的你

不应该承担我的不安

只要记得你知道我过得很好

我就心满意足了

我的要求不多

只希望你快乐

就算你还是那个

被我数落了无数次的你

就算你身边的那个人不是我

我还是真心的祝福

我知道

我们都会幸福的。

一起加油吧！

谢谢你的陪伴

给我最熟悉的陌生人：

谢谢你的陪伴
让我知道我的世界不只是自己
还有你的存在
跟我耍耍嘴皮子
改正我的不好
增加我的人生知识

你明白别人不明白的我
你知道我胆小
你懂得我怕痛
所以你一直都不敢踏进来
担心如果有朝一日你走了
我会剩下什么

太多的顾虑和余虑
没有人了解
谢谢你的体谅
我很好
因为有你的陪伴
让我知道
原来我们可以什么都不是
什么都没有
也可以很快乐

有很多事情
都还未解决
牵拖着我和你
太多的疑惑和不确定
让我停在原地
不知道该往哪个方向前行
那个有你的地方
是不是、会不会是我的天堂？

未来的事情
没有人能预知
但就像你说的
只要两个人愿意
任何事都不是问题

我放下了心中的防御
渐渐打开心房接受这个世界
谢谢你的陪伴
就算未来的日子
不会再有你的陪伴
我依然会记得
共度的时光……

谢谢你。

眼泪和微笑在比赛

朋友的妈妈说我很能干、很勇敢

我试着微笑

但却只能苦笑

微笑和眼泪总在比赛

微笑赢了我的外表

眼泪滴在我的心中

谁才是真正的赢家？

哪个能让我变得更坚强？

我坚强，因为我只能靠自己

而她是温室里的花朵，不堪一折

然而，我很庆幸自己是根小草

踩不死、大风大雨都不畏惧

纵然有时候

也会累了跨了垂下头

也会软弱无助弯下腰难过想大哭

也会希望有个人能够摸摸我的头

告诉我

“别怕别怕”

“不痛不痛”

“不哭不哭”

在我需要的时候

让我明白

不只是我、自己和心里在孤军作战

而是有个人一起对抗狂风暴雨

好几次

都在和眼泪比速度

当眼泪在眼中打滚

得立刻把它埋藏起来

有几次

在眼泪掉下来之际

还是自己接住了眼泪？

谁不希望有个人能为自己擦拭眼泪？

谁不期盼有个避风港？

谁不奢望自己能过得比别人更好？

现实和幻想

总是有段距离

所以，

我只能是那个坚强的我。

微笑得越美丽，

泪淌在心里就越疼……

摸摸自己的头，

擦掉眼泪

戴上微笑重新出发……

When Life Moves On...

there has been such a long time since my last update. Awww~ Life is busy, busy and busy.hahaha. what to do, I love it^^
Going to move my house that I had been living for 20 years for my life. it is fantastic, but it is saddening too. 20 years is not a short period. hahaha. By the way, I would have my own room, FINALLY! hahaha we are all excited for it!
Going back to my work, it goes on well. It is not tiring like the other jobs I worked on before. well, after all, I am the boss, so of course, I always make it working efficiently. By the way, I just hope that it goes smoothly as I wished. hahaha. it is not hard, perhaps?
Then, it is ASSIGNMENTSSS time! hahaha. 6 subjects are not a torture to me, I know I can cope with it. They only make my life fuller and busier. hahaha. I try to manage my time well as usual, so that I would not waste any single second. lalala. it works, sometimes. hehehe. Wish me luck in my studies. ^^
after all, this is just a random post about my present life. it is fun! hahaha. meet some new friends and people, get to know more and understand more, get to be MORE mature( i think I am mature, anyway?so I want to be more mature).hahaha. just when I am writing until here, there is a disruption in front of me. hahaha. don't want to tell what is that. what I can say is, First Impression Really Doesn't Work!!! so I gonna change it. lalala. tomorrow going to be Prom Night, and this is the first time I join this kind of event since I entered this college, well, it has been only one year ba~ hahaha.
when life moves on, I am going forward as well, don't want to think back those good and bad memories, I am who I am now, and I treasure my this moment now. hahaha.
So, Lalala, Keep going people!
Good luck to all of us who striving for lives!
Gambate!

2030—— 爱你想你

2030

那美丽的爱情故事

你可否听过？

你可知道

那是我编写的

却从没想过

现实与幻想

会有实现的一天

不想你的影子

总盘旋在我脑海

让我无法工作

连吃饭     都变得有气无力

所以才会选择

在2030的时候想你

却发现     无时无刻都在爱你想你

当我闭上眼

愿远方的你幸福快乐

当甜蜜的回忆又在脑子里游荡

当月光轻抚我的脸颊

她一定

也嗅到我的泪

听见了我的心碎

想一直闭着眼睛

让那些爱与恨历历在目

尽管心碎得更快

我却毫不犹豫

只因为那里能和你共在

而心碎的边缘

是你在沉默

还是我的眼泪

爱你想你

多么美丽

多么可悲

却成为我一个人的事

还爱你还想你

心却慢慢碎了

眼泪跑出来了

我只能努力坚强

用一分钟来思念

用一整天流泪

用一辈子来怀念

爱你想你

最心动

也最心痛