梦游记

Life is Dream Walking; I dream Walking in my LIFE^^

我们都要幸福!

聪明的你
肯定发现了我的不安
没有打破没有多问
迅速地道了晚安
对阿~
那就是你
留下我一个人
独自微笑着流泪
眼泪已经在眼圈打转
嘴角却硬挂个微笑
怕你知道
其实我很难过

最难过的是
明明很难过
却还假装一点都不难过
微笑着看着你
明知道你不适合自己
却一头栽进去
现在明白了
我还是喜欢一个人生活
没有你,
“怎么办”不会出现在我口中

你的所有一切
好的坏的
喜欢的不喜欢的
我都默默的接受
不哭不吵不闹
不乱吼不乱发脾气
连微笑都小心翼翼
以遮掩我的不确定和介意
眼泪在眼角却被逼退回去的痛
有多疼多难多委屈
都已经麻木了

从哪刻开始
我们之间有了隔阂
跨不过这道心的马路
是因为你没打算牵着我过
还是我在十 字路口和你失散
走错了方向

不想依靠
担心哪天若没有了这个肩膀
我的依赖
会变成怎样的无赖
不想像小孩一样粘着你烦着你
懂得何时得转身
才不至于让你看见自己的眼泪

一直告诉自己
要坚强
我很好
不准哭
眼泪却像窗外安静的雨
不听使唤的嘀嗒落下
其实自己一点都不好
却硬逼自己一定要坚强
因为这样
才能让你看见最美的我
才能让你觉得我不在乎

那个不好的我
那些不好的事情
留给自己就好
快乐的你
不应该承担我的不安
只要记得你知道我过得很好
我就心满意足了
我的要求不多
只希望你快乐
就算你还是那个
被我数落了无数次的你
就算你身边的那个人不是我
我还是真心的祝福

我知道
我们都会幸福的。
一起加油吧!

谢谢你的陪伴

给我最熟悉的陌生人:

谢谢你的陪伴
让我知道我的世界不只是自己
还有你的存在
跟我耍耍嘴皮子
改正我的不好
增加我的人生知识

你明白别人不明白的我
你知道我胆小
你懂得我怕痛
所以你一直都不敢踏进来
担心如果有朝一日你走了
我会剩下什么

太多的顾虑和余虑
没有人了解
谢谢你的体谅
我很好
因为有你的陪伴
让我知道
原来我们可以什么都不是
什么都没有
也可以很快乐

有很多事情
都还未解决
牵拖着我和你
太多的疑惑和不确定
让我停在原地
不知道该往哪个方向前行
那个有你的地方
是不是、会不会是我的天堂?

未来的事情
没有人能预知
但就像你说的
只要两个人愿意
任何事都不是问题

我放下了心中的防御
渐渐打开心房接受这个世界
谢谢你的陪伴
就算未来的日子
不会再有你的陪伴
我依然会记得
共度的时光……

谢谢你。

眼泪和微笑在比赛

朋友的妈妈说我很能干、很勇敢
我试着微笑
但却只能苦笑
微笑和眼泪总在比赛
微笑赢了我的外表
眼泪滴在我的心中
谁才是真正的赢家?
哪个能让我变得更坚强?
我坚强,因为我只能靠自己
而她是温室里的花朵,不堪一折
然而,我很庆幸自己是根小草
踩不死、大风大雨都不畏惧
纵然有时候
也会累了跨了垂下头
也会软弱无助弯下腰难过想大哭
也会希望有个人能够摸摸我的头
告诉我
“别怕别怕”
“不痛不痛”
“不哭不哭”
在我需要的时候
让我明白
不只是我、自己和心里在孤军作战
而是有个人一起对抗狂风暴雨
好几次
都在和眼泪比速度
当眼泪在眼中打滚
得立刻把它埋藏起来
有几次
在眼泪掉下来之际
还是自己接住了眼泪?
谁不希望有个人能为自己擦拭眼泪?
谁不期盼有个避风港?
谁不奢望自己能过得比别人更好?
现实和幻想
总是有段距离
所以,
我只能是那个坚强的我。
微笑得越美丽,
泪淌在心里就越疼……
摸摸自己的头,
擦掉眼泪
戴上微笑重新出发……

When Life Moves On...

there has been such a long time since my last update. Awww~ Life is busy, busy and busy.hahaha. what to do, I love it^^
Going to move my house that I had been living for 20 years for my life. it is fantastic, but it is saddening too. 20 years is not a short period. hahaha. By the way, I would have my own room, FINALLY! hahaha we are all excited for it!
Going back to my work, it goes on well. It is not tiring like the other jobs I worked on before. well, after all, I am the boss, so of course, I always make it working efficiently. By the way, I just hope that it goes smoothly as I wished. hahaha. it is not hard, perhaps?
Then, it is ASSIGNMENTSSS time! hahaha. 6 subjects are not a torture to me, I know I can cope with it. They only make my life fuller and busier. hahaha. I try to manage my time well as usual, so that I would not waste any single second. lalala. it works, sometimes. hehehe. Wish me luck in my studies. ^^
after all, this is just a random post about my present life. it is fun! hahaha. meet some new friends and people, get to know more and understand more, get to be MORE mature( i think I am mature, anyway?so I want to be more mature).hahaha. just when I am writing until here, there is a disruption in front of me. hahaha. don't want to tell what is that. what I can say is, First Impression Really Doesn't Work!!! so I gonna change it. lalala. tomorrow going to be Prom Night, and this is the first time I join this kind of event since I entered this college, well, it has been only one year ba~ hahaha.
when life moves on, I am going forward as well, don't want to think back those good and bad memories, I am who I am now, and I treasure my this moment now. hahaha.
So, Lalala, Keep going people!
Good luck to all of us who striving for lives!
Gambate!

2030—— 爱你想你

2030
那美丽的爱情故事
你可否听过?
你可知道
那是我编写的
却从没想过
现实与幻想
会有实现的一天

不想你的影子
总盘旋在我脑海
让我无法工作
连吃饭     都变得有气无力
所以才会选择
在2030的时候想你
却发现     无时无刻都在爱你想你

当我闭上眼
愿远方的你幸福快乐
当甜蜜的回忆又在脑子里游荡
当月光轻抚我的脸颊
她一定
也嗅到我的泪
听见了我的心碎

想一直闭着眼睛
让那些爱与恨历历在目
尽管心碎得更快
我却毫不犹豫
只因为那里能和你共在
而心碎的边缘
是你在沉默
还是我的眼泪

爱你想你
多么美丽
多么可悲
却成为我一个人的事

还爱你还想你
心却慢慢碎了
眼泪跑出来了
我只能努力坚强

用一分钟来思念
用一整天流泪
用一辈子来怀念

爱你想你
最心动
也最心痛

Arrival of WilBer Pan in Kuching 20.08.11

After the long waiting, Wilber finally came to Kuching! I had been cracking my neck long for this! This is so unbelievable that I had actually won the VIP tickets and his album through the caller ringtone contest. hahaha. Amazing right!? not really many people got it.hahaha. I made my flight back from Singapore earlier too just to see hiM! OMX~ I am very idiot when talk about him. It's all about him him him! Because I am Crazy over U U U U U! Wilber Pan!
He would not know me, forever, perhaps~ But I had admired him for more than 8 years, and I never change my love to him, nothing can change it, though.hahaha. A lot of people thought that I admire him because of his look. and now what? I clarify here, I like him because of his influence in my life.
'what influence?'
curious leh~ hahaha.
There was a time, I lost my direction, and became very aggresive. I did not remember how I met him, if I am not mistaken, it was his song, Bi Hu Man Bu, "lizard strolling". The rhythm was relaxing.After that, I started to search for his songs. I found most of his songs are very inpiring and motivating,  they make me feel a lot better and much more directed. And even he injured his knee, he never gave up, but he kept practising and made himself a better him. I see a WILL in him, is that why he called himself Will instead of Wilber? hehehe. I don't know. I saw the WILL to change for the sake of a better me as well. I learnt to put in more effort in order to achieve my dream, regardless how people judge me.
My heart is locked since that day, just for him. Maybe Wilber would never know who I am, what did he do which have motivated me, but I cannot doubt the changes he brought to the inner me. I really appreciate it. Hereby, I would like to thank you, Wilber.  You show a positive attitude to us!
THANK YOU AND I WILL SUPPORT YOU FOREVER!
Even if the whole world is agaisnt you, I would still standing at a small corner, watching you, supporting you! You have my & my <3 forever.
Jia you!
the album and tickets!hehehe
I was very surprised when Wan Wai Fun and Royce called me.hahaha.
i got this sticker when I went in the VIP zone.
hehehe. During the day, I was actually late. By the time I reached there, there was already crowded. Luckily mine was VIP seats, then I had a seat, and with me I could bring a friend, and the lucky friend was, Natasha! hahaha. she was very excited as well, lalala. we waited for around 2hours, and Wilber came at around 8.30pm. all of us were nervous.hahaha.
when we came to the back stage, I finally saw him! he was in black suit and was wearing spectacle. I shook his hand, *happy~ This was the first time I saw him, with just a few feet distance. so Unbelievable! 
He is fair, tall and sunny^^ I think no one can beat him! most of the people certainly will look back if he walk passed them. He is impressive. With just one look, and never would be forgotten. ^^
After that, he went out and straight away sang and danced for two songs. the scene was flooded with screams. He easily made the scene hot!
he danced and sang for the first two songs. COOL~

then, he sang xiao xiao ma yi. nice voice.

I envy Amelyn a lot as she could talked to him in such a close distance. So nice~ I think my super idol must be very tired, because he looked tired, and he kept wiping his sweats. so heartbroken to see this. Nevermind, this was his final place before going back to Taiwan. Get a good rest before you going on, OK? Don't make yourself sick because we will worry.
* I overheard somebody behind me said that if they can get the towel they would frame it.hehehe. Who wouldn't? 
below are some pictures of him in the concert. All look handsome and cool.hahaha
He is cute, too. During the concert there was a part that he played a dancing game with fans. He dropped he bear to give to the winner. then, he showed us a very panic and very innocent look. So cute! he opened his jaw wide, showing his surprise. hahaha. He suddenly picked up the bear and kissed it! Awww! so glad for the girl who won it! hahaha. He is such a lovely big boy.

he waves to the audience.
don't remember what song is this. hehehe







Overall, he sang six songs, including 'quan mian tong qi, chu dong', 'xiao xiao ma yi','U U U', 'wo men dou pa tong' and 'Bu de bu ai' . He is great at both slow and fast songs. this is so wonderful! He sang the last song with the audience. Terrific! hahaha. during the session, he went down to shake hands with the audience too!
lastly, I went up for the album signing session. I actually have something to ask and to tell, but I have no chance because it was too quick. so disappointed. By the way, one thing that made me a bit happier was that he looked at me, and then smile at me. My sister said this was very ordinary because this is out of politeness. But his glimpse and smile means a lot for me, even though he doesn't know me. I still feel glad. It's my pleasure to meet him. But I forgot to say Happy birthday to him. What a dismay~
 
this is the album with his signature. I shook his left hand. hahaha. two times in a day, I am sure I made people envious and they would kill me of they see me. lalala
well, after all, it was a nice concert, even though the time is short. He promised he would come Kuching again! hahaha. I am awaiting! 
really thank you, Wilber, thank you for coming, and thank you for arriving in my life. thanks for making an important mark in my heart, leaving the foot marks in my life. Thank you, for you are my role model, for you are the one who motivates me. Thanks. Forever support from me^^
Take care.
Have a nice day.

Famine 30, Inti College 6-7/8/2011

Mother Theresa said: “We can not do great things. We can only do little things with great love."
I always hope that I can do little meaningful things with my overflowed love. and here they gave me the chance. I participated in Famine 30, which was hold at Inti College Sarawak, from Saturday to Sunday.
I’ve seen so many photos and videos on how the children suffered, yet, I never know that there are over half of the children in the world are actually suffering from poverty, famine and 1 child DIED in every 3 SECONDS! !! Can you believe this? OMX! There are over 2 billions of children who still need our care! I am extremely frustrated after I got to know the statistic from the participation of Famine 30 as a volunteer. 
How I wish I could hold them in my arms, even though my arms are not wide enough, they are strong. How I wish I am able to cover and protect these innocent angles from sufferings. 
I know, and I assure, someday in the future, I am going to help at my greatest effort and I wish I could influence people by awaking them from the world of materialism. And I swear, I will limit the expenses on junk food and I will always think twice when buying something unnecessary. ( you know la, girls ba~ love to waste $$$~)hahaha. 
Actually I had already planned to sponsor a child at the end of this year. And AHA! I know where I should start now. Hahaha. And I add a wish list to my 2015-> sponsor at least 3 children at the year! Lalala. Wish me luck so that I can earn many $$$~
There are people who want the simplest needs, but they couldn’t get it. Food, clean water, shelter… seems so simple to us; we can get it in a grab of hand. That is why; we take it for granted all the times! How about the poor countries? The children do not have enough food. I read an article and found that people from some part of Africa do not have food, so they have no choice but to eat cow dung to deliver medicine for AIDS. However, you see what happen around us… unfinished food are everywhere if you eat outside, because there are always people who don’t know how lucky they are to have food to eat. I doubt I would do this, because I always finish the food in my plates; and I still feel guilty that I did not finished the fried rice few weeks ago. I am also glad that there are people doing and feeling the same. One of the volunteer, Zhi Cheng did not waste the seaweed fried rice in the party and he packed it back for tomorrow’s breakfast? Whatever. The most important thing is there are people who are conscious about do not wasting food! Hahaha. Thanks.
Same goes to water source. There are people who drink, wash and bath in dirty muggy water; and us? We have more than enough water sources, therefore, people can turn on the pipe and let the water flows like that? Sometimes I really feel like throwing them the photos on people who live and use in a dirty environment and prompt to get diseases. I think we do not deserve that much and I think someone on top there also see the same, so there are disasters happening around us. That is a warning! But nobody takes it. They still indulge in their own world which full of unnecessary luxuries. Why? Why at the same time, there are people who couldn’t afford the simplest requirement, they don’t have house, not even to have a mosquito net. I never wonder that a net like this can help those kids from deadly diseases and illness. I watched the video on how the kids moaning and just passed away like that. My tears flow down, finally, after several times of controlling. The tears of guilty, which make me feel more sad. The cheap cheap net that we not even bother to use! And it means so much for others! How sad! So damn it! And I never know it!
The children just opt for the simplest things, yet they do not have it; and these simplest things are all what we take for granted! We never realize that there are people who try very hard to get all these when we just simply waste them away. We just… NEVER, NEVER THINK! We are sticking to our comfortable lives, nice room and soft bed; NEVER awake and keep complaining. We NEVER know how our lousy things matter to others, so we keep complaining how bad they are. The reasons are, we never sleep on floors, we never live in expose environment, we never drink dirty water and we never get hungry. All we always do is… COMPLAINING! Arrggghhh! How bad I am when I think back. I have such a nice life, I do not have to drink dirty water, and throw away the water which is a little dirty; I do not get hungry at all because there are always food available for me. My papa even disagreed for me to participate in this event because I have to starve myself! After a little struggling, he finally allowed and see, I made it! 30 hours was really hard to go. The time was just too slow to pass and my stomach was grumbling. My friend asked me: “why you don’t want to eat?” I just smiled. In my little world, I tell myself, ‘don’t get attracted, you want to feel how the kids suffer, isn’t that the purpose you are here?’ and now, I know how uneasy is the feel of hungry. My hunger was for 30 hours only, but how about the kids? Their hungers are continuing and they never get to get their stomach a little full. If you don’t believe me, skip a meal for yourself and see how it feels like. If you realize something, congratulations!
All we have should not be taken for granted anymore. I want to make myself a limitation card, to limit my expenses so that I would have enough money to sponsor 2 children in the end of 2012. Well, I eat too much junk food and it is fattening and no vitamins. Also, my money goes more to my studies expenses so I have to be thriftier in order to gather RM1200! It should not be a problem, since I work, huh? Hahaha. Who want to join me for sponsorship also can contact me. Hehehe. Wish me luck!
I wrote some notes for this post at some free times, then everyone thought I was writing diary. My gosh~ who will write diary in the morning!? hahaha. then, a volunteer asked me what keep my enthusiasm for writing blog. I told him part of the reasons--> to share knowledge & experiences so to influence other;besides, also to enhance my writing skills so that it would not rusted. :p one reason that I did not tell him is that: I write my articles to earn money.hehehe.
during the camp, I was really appreciating those participants who still had smiles on their faces. whenever they saw others, they would smile to them. this give me dedication to move on; unlike some of them, I rarely saw them smile. Was it because of tiredness? I do not know. All I know is I was trying hard to smile too! If you know how much people would value your smiles, especially tiredness and strangeness powered over excitement and enthusiasm, you would do the same as well. I think there is nobody who does not want others to smile to them, right? hahaha
I really feel grateful to Ysin and the camp leader, Wyndie, who allowed me to join at the very last minute! Besides, thanks to Famine 30, I was able to learn and realize so much and met so many friends. I know a little bit on how to organize this camp and so, I add a new wish to my 2012 wish list  organizing a DIY camp in my college targeting 100 people participating! Hahaha Big aim? I am not sure. But I know I can handle it^^
After the camp finished,(Yeah! We MADE it!) We went to Legend for dinner. They celebrated an early birthday for Wyndie, our camp leader. Happy birthday to you! Hahaha, you are born the same day with my sister! Hehehe. Here are some photos of the events, hope to see more people next year! Jia you!

this is my ID for being a volunteer

my T-shirt for famine 30

these are the companies who sponsored the camp. thanks for your support! ^^
she looks cool, right?^^
this is Ysin, the leader for volunteer, she is great and cool, especially in entertaining and making the scene hot~ thanks~
this is Wyndie Chai, Our camp leader. she is a nice lady and today is her birthday! Happy birthday to you!
special thanks to this two ladies because if not of them, I would not be able to join the camp. so thanks again!
Irene as doctor, Linda and Kevin as delivery doctors, ah fen as registration clerk.
for the first game, my group role played as hospital staffs and see, what is our hospital's name.hahaha

ah fen is a staff at registration counter, I helped her in case there would be a crowd. hahaha.
who am I? I am a doctor who gave speech. hahaha. and I switched my venue for 3 times. -.-!!! 
people kept coming to buy supplements and for injections.hahaha. if not, they would probably dead, and go to the... 
tomb! hahaha
during the night, there were many groups of performers performed for us. all were really great, especially the last group, Dream Machine, where all the campers and volunteers had fun together,it was very memorable.^^
 at the second day, after the aerobic exercise, the participants performed drama. a lot of us were touched by the 'children' group, even their drama was simple, it was the clearest message I had received among the other dramas. A lot of children RIP because of a lack of basis requirements.
this group of drama was funny! the 'delivery aunty' who lacked of professional skills killed a lot of infants. this drama was to awake people the need of knowledge about delivery skills.

paying attention on the drama.
this is Phit Fen, the only one I know when I first came here. hahaha. she is not sick, ok? she is very kind and always do good deeds. she is such a lovely girl.~ 
found this picture randomly. the only kid in the camp (left), with the volunteer(Melvin Chai). they like to stick together, I wonder why~ hahaha. they look a bit alike, isn't it? 
this is a pic taken with MyFM DJ. hehehe.nice la~also, this is the group photo. 
this is the sign language. at last, we made a 30 sign signified famine 30! it was a bit hard to instruct but the end product is nice!

 and finally, it's me! beside me is Denise, a new friend^^ we were leading the participants to the hall.
after the event, we went to Legend to have our dinner. they celebrated wyndie's birthday as well. hehehe. Happy birthday to you!and thanks for the treat! it was so great to meet all of you! from left, tate, Qi Wen ( the girl who takes nice photos), Kelly (the girl who looks like me^^), Terence Lee, Raymond, Ysin, Wyndie, Irene, Jamie, HanPerng, Flo Kee, Ee Hsia, zhi Cheng, Melvin, Amelia, Hanee, Doris, Fen and some more (paiseh don't know what is your name *-*)
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Lastly,(finally~ hahaha. This is a really long post.) I want to change myself. AGAIN? Hahaha. Yup! For the sake for a better me and the beloved children. I will always say: “I DO!”
How about you? Do you think the same?
Anyway, Good Luck!
Jia you.