我还在，我相信你也一样

兜兜转转，又回到这里……
有些事情，不敢告诉你，也不想别人知道我的不安，
或许，只能来这里了。
也许这里是唯一一个你不会来的地方，
也许是你不在了，我的安全感也随之而去；
也许，就算你来了，你也不会查看或明白我到底写了什么；
也许，是担心你读了会生气，所以选了一个你不明白的语言为媒介；
也许，你懂了，反而会怪我不相信你不了解你然后对我生气质问……
我不是故意的，只是太担心了。
你一个人离家而去，我摸不着看不到，看不到你过得好不好……
我过多的关怀和担忧，有时确实让我自己很讨厌自己。

你总是说我不相信你，其实你知道吗？
我相信你，但是我还是会害怕……
害怕你在那里学了很多东西，嫌我知识浅；
害怕你在那里开阔了视野，嫌我什么都不懂；
害怕你什么都不告诉我，嫌我碍手碍脚越帮越忙；
害怕你因为我过多的担心和关心，嫌我烦；
害怕你在外经历了不一样的事情，嫌我们文化变得不同了；
害怕你因为我们遭遇经历不同，对我不理不睬；
害怕得不敢和你吵，默默地吞下不安和委屈……

你常要我自己去找答案要我去探索，而我每每做错搞错弄错；
因为我不明白，为何你可以为别人学习语言为单词查字典，
而对我却呼呼喝喝说我写了些你不懂的东西……
你不知道，我为了踏上你的脚步而向你的方向奔跑；
跌跌撞撞，却总是以争执收场……
我多么希望你会哄哄我，说你爱我。
可是你总会说是我的不是，错在于我。
我只是希望我们意见不合时，你让着我，说你在乎我爱我……
但是，你最终都会选择避开，把我留在吵架的空间遐想徘徊，把问题扔给我一个人独自面对。
第二天，你又从新reset,像完全没有事情那样，我做不到，因为我的心还是疼着……
其实我也试过让着你迁就你，可是你从来都不会吃这一套，
对你来说，我错了，所以不可原谅；所以你生气；
直到我的眼泪不听话的流下来，你才惊觉，我真的受伤了。

我们的爱，到底怎么了……
我好怀念你专心和我对话的样子；
我好想念你不停的说爱我的作怪模样；
我好想再看到你依依不舍不挂电话的眷恋；
我好希望你会了解，我只希望你一切安好。
我相信你会很好的。

离家出走那一天

生活变了，
时而迷茫，
完全迷失方向；
时而清晰，
为了梦想跌得遍体鳞伤。

在这个浩瀚宇宙，
我不会说我想要什么，
而是什么才是我能抓住的？

有人说，
出走，
到外旅游，
是找回自己的最好方法。
也许有一天，
我会自个儿提着个背包，
消失在这个小巷中……

也许有一天，
你发现我不见了；
又或许哪一天，
你在某处看见我的照片，
里面有令人窒息的风景，
或是平静的湖泊，
也有挂着笑脸的我，

那么，
请你放心，
在外漂泊的我，
已经找回那个失去的自我。

对不起，我爱你

好久都没上来了，才发现原来这里是最好抒发心情的地方。
很多事情都不能对人说，不能对他说，不能在facebook写，这里没有人，或许比较适合。

都好久了，我也不明白事情出在哪里，一味的附和着你，以为这样事情就会解决。可是我呢？谁又来迁就我呢？总觉得很累，不知道事情要怎么解释才能清楚透彻。
总是让自己过得很开心，可是我知道心底还有一些事情，总是逃避不了，不论我如何快乐，快乐过后，悲伤接踵而来。

有时撑得很累，可是都没有依靠。我又能对谁说呢？
我以为我们很好，没有问题。可是我一直看见一个缺口，无论我怎么补，都没有用，因为那个洞，要靠两个人的力量来填满，但是你只会在那里洒盐，痛上加痛。
你一直认为你做得很好，其实你也懂自己不好，可是你却从来没有为我的利益为我想过。也许，你看见的和我看见的不同，就像我看不见的，你都看见了一样吧！

我不懂我们为什么会到这个地步，觉得很难过，可是却无计可施。
或许我真的不懂，就因为我独立，我能照顾自己，所以当我生病时，当我需要你时，你都可以放任我一个人， 然后当我向你提起，你都认为我无理取闹？

我不知道，或许我应该像以前那样，过着没有你生活的生活那样，一个人生活。唯一不同的是，我多了个可以sms的人。也许这样想，我会比较好过。

我不担心你会看见这篇文章，因为你从来都不会理会，我到底是怎么想的。
我一边写，一边忍住眼泪，告诉自己“我很坚强”，因为我知道我会好的。
我相信，我们会好的。

心痛之后，应该会有快乐吧？
期许着……

my recent life

it has been half a year since my last post. Time just fly off in a blink of eye. wow~ many things happened yet most of them were solved. I guessed? hahaha
recently is very busy with my assignment, plus the unlucky angel is flying on top of my head, I have to rush for my assignments as my laptop would die very soon! urggghhh~
things had been spoiled and broken since few weeks ago... my pocket is getting drier and drier... Have I finished my good luck? or somebody is cursing me at the back? hahaha. even my ring can get broken, how lucky I am, huh？ >.<
anyway, life still goes on, and I am waiting for some day to come, some big and significant day for me... I just hope everything goes smoothly and I know somebody will be there for me ^^ hehehe.
there were some events happening like the 30 hour famine camp, dreamers and prom night... and we manage to sponsor a child from Myanmar, happyING^^
will post these events on as soon as possible, hahaha. life is getting toucher and i am a bit worried...
what is my future???
be happy and cheer!
good luck and have a nice day!

Because you live, I live

It has been more than two months
it had been very joyful months and thanks to you
my love
missing and loving are worthwhile
when you are not around
for we are still holding our hearts closed

I have been waiting and looking for an answer

for who would be the one stay

somehow

somewhere

I know what I didn't know

upon loving you

♬ Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky  ♫

I am so glad I found an angel

someone who loves and cares for me

someone who is here when the world stumbled me

Thank you for being here

please take care when I am not around

remember to enjoy your life and please,

be safe.

I am waiting for you to come back

and give me a big warm hug

<3 you

我的你

我的你

曾经是个不可能

却成了今天的恋人

谢谢你还在

感谢你

让一切的不可能发生

经过了几次的争吵

度过了几个白昼黑夜

庆幸我们依然紧握彼此的手

其中的不安、辛酸及不确定

都被你的爱一一融解了

谢谢你的陪伴及呵护

看你小心翼翼的

将我用剩余纸张做成的“卡片”收进口袋

看着你开心得像个小孩

我比谁都还满足

当你抱着我说谢谢

我知道你真的很感动

那一刻的悸动

一直在我脑海里旋转

偶尔吵吵嘴

偶尔吃吃醋

偶尔小惊喜

偶尔嫌一嫌彼此

也是种乐趣

我明白自己不是最好的

也许我什么都不会

什么都不知道

不浪漫不知趣不像其他女生一样

还有一大堆病

可是，

我会是最爱你的

我的你，

谢谢你的包容

谢谢你给我的爱

谢谢你为我单调的生活彩色

为你我要做更好的人~

情人节快乐！ <3

我们都要幸福！

聪明的你

肯定发现了我的不安

没有打破没有多问

迅速地道了晚安

对阿~

那就是你

留下我一个人

独自微笑着流泪

眼泪已经在眼圈打转

嘴角却硬挂个微笑

怕你知道

其实我很难过

最难过的是

明明很难过

却还假装一点都不难过

微笑着看着你

明知道你不适合自己

却一头栽进去

现在明白了

我还是喜欢一个人生活

没有你，

“怎么办”不会出现在我口中

你的所有一切

好的坏的

喜欢的不喜欢的

我都默默的接受

不哭不吵不闹

不乱吼不乱发脾气

连微笑都小心翼翼

以遮掩我的不确定和介意

眼泪在眼角却被逼退回去的痛

有多疼多难多委屈

都已经麻木了

从哪刻开始

我们之间有了隔阂

跨不过这道心的马路

是因为你没打算牵着我过

还是我在十 字路口和你失散

走错了方向

不想依靠

担心哪天若没有了这个肩膀

我的依赖

会变成怎样的无赖

不想像小孩一样粘着你烦着你

懂得何时得转身

才不至于让你看见自己的眼泪

一直告诉自己

要坚强

我很好

不准哭

眼泪却像窗外安静的雨

不听使唤的嘀嗒落下

其实自己一点都不好

却硬逼自己一定要坚强

因为这样

才能让你看见最美的我

才能让你觉得我不在乎

那个不好的我

那些不好的事情

留给自己就好

快乐的你

不应该承担我的不安

只要记得你知道我过得很好

我就心满意足了

我的要求不多

只希望你快乐

就算你还是那个

被我数落了无数次的你

就算你身边的那个人不是我

我还是真心的祝福

我知道

我们都会幸福的。

一起加油吧！

谢谢你的陪伴

给我最熟悉的陌生人：

谢谢你的陪伴
让我知道我的世界不只是自己
还有你的存在
跟我耍耍嘴皮子
改正我的不好
增加我的人生知识

你明白别人不明白的我
你知道我胆小
你懂得我怕痛
所以你一直都不敢踏进来
担心如果有朝一日你走了
我会剩下什么

太多的顾虑和余虑
没有人了解
谢谢你的体谅
我很好
因为有你的陪伴
让我知道
原来我们可以什么都不是
什么都没有
也可以很快乐

有很多事情
都还未解决
牵拖着我和你
太多的疑惑和不确定
让我停在原地
不知道该往哪个方向前行
那个有你的地方
是不是、会不会是我的天堂？

未来的事情
没有人能预知
但就像你说的
只要两个人愿意
任何事都不是问题

我放下了心中的防御
渐渐打开心房接受这个世界
谢谢你的陪伴
就算未来的日子
不会再有你的陪伴
我依然会记得
共度的时光……

谢谢你。

眼泪和微笑在比赛

朋友的妈妈说我很能干、很勇敢

我试着微笑

但却只能苦笑

微笑和眼泪总在比赛

微笑赢了我的外表

眼泪滴在我的心中

谁才是真正的赢家？

哪个能让我变得更坚强？

我坚强，因为我只能靠自己

而她是温室里的花朵，不堪一折

然而，我很庆幸自己是根小草

踩不死、大风大雨都不畏惧

纵然有时候

也会累了跨了垂下头

也会软弱无助弯下腰难过想大哭

也会希望有个人能够摸摸我的头

告诉我

“别怕别怕”

“不痛不痛”

“不哭不哭”

在我需要的时候

让我明白

不只是我、自己和心里在孤军作战

而是有个人一起对抗狂风暴雨

好几次

都在和眼泪比速度

当眼泪在眼中打滚

得立刻把它埋藏起来

有几次

在眼泪掉下来之际

还是自己接住了眼泪？

谁不希望有个人能为自己擦拭眼泪？

谁不期盼有个避风港？

谁不奢望自己能过得比别人更好？

现实和幻想

总是有段距离

所以，

我只能是那个坚强的我。

微笑得越美丽，

泪淌在心里就越疼……

摸摸自己的头，

擦掉眼泪

戴上微笑重新出发……

Famine 30, Inti College 6-7/8/2011

Mother Theresa said: “We can not do great things. We can only do little things with great love."

I always hope that I can do little meaningful things with my overflowed love. and here they gave me the chance. I participated in Famine 30, which was hold at Inti College Sarawak, from Saturday to Sunday.

I’ve seen so many photos and videos on how the children suffered, yet, I never know that there are over half of the children in the world are actually suffering from poverty, famine and 1 child DIED in every 3 SECONDS! !! Can you believe this? OMX! There are over 2 billions of children who still need our care! I am extremely frustrated after I got to know the statistic from the participation of Famine 30 as a volunteer. 

How I wish I could hold them in my arms, even though my arms are not wide enough, they are strong. How I wish I am able to cover and protect these innocent angles from sufferings. 

I know, and I assure, someday in the future, I am going to help at my greatest effort and I wish I could influence people by awaking them from the world of materialism. And I swear, I will limit the expenses on junk food and I will always think twice when buying something unnecessary. ( you know la, girls ba~ love to waste $$$~)hahaha. 

Actually I had already planned to sponsor a child at the end of this year. And AHA! I know where I should start now. Hahaha. And I add a wish list to my 2015-> sponsor at least 3 children at the year! Lalala. Wish me luck so that I can earn many $$$~

There are people who want the simplest needs, but they couldn’t get it. Food, clean water, shelter… seems so simple to us; we can get it in a grab of hand. That is why; we take it for granted all the times! How about the poor countries? The children do not have enough food. I read an article and found that people from some part of Africa do not have food, so they have no choice but to eat cow dung to deliver medicine for AIDS. However, you see what happen around us… unfinished food are everywhere if you eat outside, because there are always people who don’t know how lucky they are to have food to eat. I doubt I would do this, because I always finish the food in my plates; and I still feel guilty that I did not finished the fried rice few weeks ago. I am also glad that there are people doing and feeling the same. One of the volunteer, Zhi Cheng did not waste the seaweed fried rice in the party and he packed it back for tomorrow’s breakfast? Whatever. The most important thing is there are people who are conscious about do not wasting food! Hahaha. Thanks.

Same goes to water source. There are people who drink, wash and bath in dirty muggy water; and us? We have more than enough water sources, therefore, people can turn on the pipe and let the water flows like that? Sometimes I really feel like throwing them the photos on people who live and use in a dirty environment and prompt to get diseases. I think we do not deserve that much and I think someone on top there also see the same, so there are disasters happening around us. That is a warning! But nobody takes it. They still indulge in their own world which full of unnecessary luxuries. Why? Why at the same time, there are people who couldn’t afford the simplest requirement, they don’t have house, not even to have a mosquito net. I never wonder that a net like this can help those kids from deadly diseases and illness. I watched the video on how the kids moaning and just passed away like that. My tears flow down, finally, after several times of controlling. The tears of guilty, which make me feel more sad. The cheap cheap net that we not even bother to use! And it means so much for others! How sad! So damn it! And I never know it!

The children just opt for the simplest things, yet they do not have it; and these simplest things are all what we take for granted! We never realize that there are people who try very hard to get all these when we just simply waste them away. We just… NEVER, NEVER THINK! We are sticking to our comfortable lives, nice room and soft bed; NEVER awake and keep complaining. We NEVER know how our lousy things matter to others, so we keep complaining how bad they are. The reasons are, we never sleep on floors, we never live in expose environment, we never drink dirty water and we never get hungry. All we always do is… COMPLAINING! Arrggghhh! How bad I am when I think back. I have such a nice life, I do not have to drink dirty water, and throw away the water which is a little dirty; I do not get hungry at all because there are always food available for me. My papa even disagreed for me to participate in this event because I have to starve myself! After a little struggling, he finally allowed and see, I made it! 30 hours was really hard to go. The time was just too slow to pass and my stomach was grumbling. My friend asked me: “why you don’t want to eat?” I just smiled. In my little world, I tell myself, ‘don’t get attracted, you want to feel how the kids suffer, isn’t that the purpose you are here?’ and now, I know how uneasy is the feel of hungry. My hunger was for 30 hours only, but how about the kids? Their hungers are continuing and they never get to get their stomach a little full. If you don’t believe me, skip a meal for yourself and see how it feels like. If you realize something, congratulations!

All we have should not be taken for granted anymore. I want to make myself a limitation card, to limit my expenses so that I would have enough money to sponsor 2 children in the end of 2012. Well, I eat too much junk food and it is fattening and no vitamins. Also, my money goes more to my studies expenses so I have to be thriftier in order to gather RM1200! It should not be a problem, since I work, huh? Hahaha. Who want to join me for sponsorship also can contact me. Hehehe. Wish me luck!

I wrote some notes for this post at some free times, then everyone thought I was writing diary. My gosh~ who will write diary in the morning!? hahaha. then, a volunteer asked me what keep my enthusiasm for writing blog. I told him part of the reasons--> to share knowledge & experiences so to influence other;besides, also to enhance my writing skills so that it would not rusted. :p one reason that I did not tell him is that: I write my articles to earn money.hehehe.

during the camp, I was really appreciating those participants who still had smiles on their faces. whenever they saw others, they would smile to them. this give me dedication to move on; unlike some of them, I rarely saw them smile. Was it because of tiredness? I do not know. All I know is I was trying hard to smile too! If you know how much people would value your smiles, especially tiredness and strangeness powered over excitement and enthusiasm, you would do the same as well. I think there is nobody who does not want others to smile to them, right? hahaha

I really feel grateful to Ysin and the camp leader, Wyndie, who allowed me to join at the very last minute! Besides, thanks to Famine 30, I was able to learn and realize so much and met so many friends. I know a little bit on how to organize this camp and so, I add a new wish to my 2012 wish list  organizing a DIY camp in my college targeting 100 people participating! Hahaha Big aim? I am not sure. But I know I can handle it^^

After the camp finished,(Yeah! We MADE it!) We went to Legend for dinner. They celebrated an early birthday for Wyndie, our camp leader. Happy birthday to you! Hahaha, you are born the same day with my sister! Hehehe. Here are some photos of the events, hope to see more people next year! Jia you!

this is my ID for being a volunteer

my T-shirt for famine 30

these are the companies who sponsored the camp. thanks for your support! ^^

she looks cool, right?^^

this is Ysin, the leader for volunteer, she is great and cool, especially in entertaining and making the scene hot~ thanks~

this is Wyndie Chai, Our camp leader. she is a nice lady and today is her birthday! Happy birthday to you!

special thanks to this two ladies because if not of them, I would not be able to join the camp. so thanks again!

Irene as doctor, Linda and Kevin as delivery doctors, ah fen as registration clerk.

for the first game, my group role played as hospital staffs and see, what is our hospital's name.hahaha

ah fen is a staff at registration counter, I helped her in case there would be a crowd. hahaha.

who am I? I am a doctor who gave speech. hahaha. and I switched my venue for 3 times. -.-!!! 

people kept coming to buy supplements and for injections.hahaha. if not, they would probably dead, and go to the... 

tomb! hahaha

during the night, there were many groups of performers performed for us. all were really great, especially the last group, Dream Machine, where all the campers and volunteers had fun together,it was very memorable.^^

 at the second day, after the aerobic exercise, the participants performed drama. a lot of us were touched by the 'children' group, even their drama was simple, it was the clearest message I had received among the other dramas. A lot of children RIP because of a lack of basis requirements.

this group of drama was funny! the 'delivery aunty' who lacked of professional skills killed a lot of infants. this drama was to awake people the need of knowledge about delivery skills.

paying attention on the drama.

this is Phit Fen, the only one I know when I first came here. hahaha. she is not sick, ok? she is very kind and always do good deeds. she is such a lovely girl.~ 

found this picture randomly. the only kid in the camp (left), with the volunteer(Melvin Chai). they like to stick together, I wonder why~ hahaha. they look a bit alike, isn't it? 

this is a pic taken with MyFM DJ. hehehe.nice la~also, this is the group photo. 

this is the sign language. at last, we made a 30 sign signified famine 30! it was a bit hard to instruct but the end product is nice!

 and finally, it's me! beside me is Denise, a new friend^^ we were leading the participants to the hall.

after the event, we went to Legend to have our dinner. they celebrated wyndie's birthday as well. hehehe. Happy birthday to you!and thanks for the treat! it was so great to meet all of you! from left, tate, Qi Wen ( the girl who takes nice photos), Kelly (the girl who looks like me^^), Terence Lee, Raymond, Ysin, Wyndie, Irene, Jamie, HanPerng, Flo Kee, Ee Hsia, zhi Cheng, Melvin, Amelia, Hanee, Doris, Fen and some more (paiseh don't know what is your name *-*)

If you happened to finish reading the whole post, if you are touched, please do something to help. for more information, please log on to:

Lastly,(finally~ hahaha. This is a really long post.) I want to change myself. AGAIN? Hahaha. Yup! For the sake for a better me and the beloved children. I will always say: “I DO!”

How about you? Do you think the same?

Anyway, Good Luck!

Jia you. 

风凉话Go Go Go！ 梦加油加油！

最近真的很忙！忙什么，我却真的不是很清楚!只是感觉时间就真的滴答滴答地走，而我却还在原地蹉跎，什么都没有做到！虽然我真的忙个不停！忙什么？我真的无可奉告~因为我真的不知道！
天啊！最近讲话都喜欢绕口令，真的很好玩一下！啦啦啦。虽然忙，日子照样过！嘻嘻嘻！
最近除了忙学校的功课，好奇怪的功课哦！虽然这学期都没有考试，但是assignment还真的很多，而且都超级无比的奇怪！哈哈哈。做专访eh~然后还有做卡片~天啊！真的很可爱！可是天啊！这真的超刺激的！（我不是拿自己的grade来赌哦~）我会努力的！梦娜加油加油加油！要相信自己是达成目标的唯一垫脚石！靠自己！靠自己！！靠自己！！！
其实，还有在忙其他的事情，比如说……自己想创办一间补习中心（目前阶段当然是无牌的^^)没想到，面对的压力其实真的很多。从选地方、用品、桌椅到设计传单，都由自己亲自负责；很多时候还跟爸爸轧上了， %￥*#@~我不是故意的。我明白，老爹他认为他经验比我足，什么都懂；可是我也有自己的想法阿~幸亏我老娘够英明，处处帮助我。嘻嘻嘻！我家的老虎婆真的是越老越聪明、设想得很周到。谢谢你的英明！万岁！哈哈哈
其实这不是最糟的。你知道吗？有一种人，他们喜欢在你决定做某些事情时，甚至是你只是在打算的时候，就已经知道了全盘的事。然后到处散播，好的没关系，不知道的也乱说，毁人名声。这还不要紧，他们不了解不知道，可以原谅他们的无知；但是最让人气愤的是，还在那里说风凉话！说你办不到，说你这说你那，不知道的也装知道说出来，还以为自己真的很懂你！天啊！！！真的吃不消！
还有更吃不消的！！！我的天啊！一说到这，我这个温柔的梦姑娘都快变成个疯子了！非说他不可！天啊！！！
要说风凉话，请到其他地方说。但是你知道吗？这些人偏偏选在你窗外，在你眼睛都还没张开的时候，就叽叽喳喳说个不停，深怕你会听不见。你气愤吗？所谓一天之计在于晨，一早起床心情就不好，你还有心情做其他事吗？老虎不发飚，你还真的以为我是病猫？反正被吵醒了，就趁他们还在说风凉话的时候，把窗帘拉开。“咻”的一声，外面就没有声音了——帘开人散。
有时候，我真的不怪他们。他们读书少，所以知识也不多，知书达理程度无法达到我们现今社会的标准，不懂得如何控制自己的嘴巴和嫉妒欲，所以才会这样说风凉话。他们不知道：“道人是非者，亦是是非人。”既然你们没有内涵，谈话内容也当然一样，所以无所谓啦，我姑娘心宽一点，就不计较了。没内涵的东西记得多了，自己反而被误导，变成没水准了！所以，
我不想听，
不会听，
干吗听？
就不去听，
不要听你们的那些冷言冷语。
风凉话 go go go!梦娜加油加油加油！！！
你们越是不看好我，我越是努力做给你们看。一向来都知道，你们嫉妒我的才干，毕竟到现在为止，都还没有人破我的纪录，我一向都很优秀，你们才眼红呗~
人红是非多，我懂^^如果我不红，你们哪会七早八早就在‘妒忌’我呢？我不发威不代表我笨，我只是忍住，身为一个有内涵的人，是不会与你们动口的。天啊！真的觉得自己好坏，好像在说别人坏话。不知道的人还以为我捏造谎言扮可怜叻~我现在是说人是非者马？哈哈哈
你不知道的是，我就像根野草，你们越是想把我踩在脚底，我越是长得高~也许有天还会比你们还高，挡住你们的视线。那时真的是，哈哈~不好意思啦~光芒盖掉了你。
我要让你们知道，我爸爸妈妈生的女儿是最棒的!
风凉话你们爱说多少就说多少。说得越多，那只是证明你们越没内涵！
风凉话go go go!梦娜加油加油加油！你是最棒的！
真想给自己一个吻！有谁能代替我给自己一个吻呢？哈哈哈
大家加油！
我们都是幸福的！！！

单身贵族

其实爱情这个词对我来说并不陌生。周遭的人一而再，再而三的问我、提醒我它的存在，只是，缘分不到，谁也不能改变什么。

有时候，会觉得很孤单/很寂寞，为什么每个人都有个伴但我就是没有。很好笑的想法，真的觉得自己很傻。可是这只是很短暂性的“孤寂”。寂寞寂寞就好，真的。没有人会一辈子都感到孤单。

现在，对我而言，爱情的力量已经削弱了，有没有爱情，都无所谓。我不再执着，不再在乎其他人的看法。二十岁没有男朋友并不可耻，那只是证明我很认真的对待爱情。而且啊，一个人自由自在，自己赚自己花，自己要去哪里就到哪里，不需要对任何人许下诺言，更不需要担心有谁可以容易的影响自己的生活和情绪及担心自己面孔身材不够好而节食化妆>做自己最好！哈哈哈

所以啊，还是赚多点钱，当个单身贵族吧！朝我的好多好多梦想大大步的跨上去，任谁也不能有机会当我的绊脚石。我可是二十一世纪的强女生叻～ ^^

单身的我，并不会觉得没有爱情的滋润而感到不漂亮；相反的，我觉得自己越来越美了，而且随着年龄的增长，自己越来越成熟，也越来越有魅力了。独立如我，并不想因为有了伴而变得小鸟依人（因为我知道，如果有了依靠，自己肯定无法独立>.<)哈哈哈。我要吃好多好多想吃的，不需要顾虑别人的看法；吃了好多好多好吃的食物以后，我还要能维持自己的身段（虽然现在也没有苗条到哪里去，但至少不要“恶化”就好了。啦啦啦）

我要性感，虽然它离我还是有段距离啦～

目标：明年一定要sexy！哈哈哈。腰围小两吋就够了！

其实单身有什么可怕的呢？单身不就是自己一个人吃饭/逛街/看戏听歌/看书……嘛～自己做自己的事情，只专注在自己的事情上，不需要鸡婆别人的事，不用为别人的事而烦恼。还很不错的啦～哈哈哈

目标：1.我要在5年内转到RM100,000,然后买间至少5房的房子给我家人！

2. 我要买Camry给我爸爸驾！然后我给他载！嘻嘻嘻   

3. 我要在五年内和家人合伙开餐厅，名字叫饭桶、水桶、面桶！

4.我要用我赚到的钱的一部分捐给人，或设立一个机构帮助有需要的人！

5.我要在两年内（2013年第一个学期）完成我的Degree课程！然后再半工读修我的master！

总之，我要赚好多好多的钱，最少要10万块！这些事情，需要很多的精力来完成，我没多余的时间给家人以外的人，除非那是个能体谅我的男生，不然看见我这副德行，三天肯定走人！哈哈哈。更甚的是，只有在单身的时候，我才能专心的读书赚钱，如果有个人半路杀出来，我肯定会分心撞车，哪里还会有机会成功达到我的目标呢？哈哈哈

所以啊，我还是享受单身的生活吧！寂寞的时候，找朋友聊天，不然看书写作也可以消磨时间，还可以练练文笔赚赚钱，何乐而不为呢？哈哈哈

单身，并不茫然。

单身，夜才更美丽.

单身，生活可以更精彩^^

加油吧！单身的朋友们！

一定要幸福噢！

想

每个深夜
望着漆黑的墙
你的身影总会浮现在我眼帘
想你……

想你的模样
想你的衣着
想你的声音
想你说话的模样
想你走路的模样

想……我们何时能在见面
想……我们是否还会再见面
想……你在做什么
想……你在想着谁
想……你是否开心

妄想……你会不会也想我？

所有关于你的一切
都是未知数
好想能多了解你一些
好想你给我个微笑
好想再看见你
就算一眼也好

很害怕
无法再与你碰面

你是否也有同样的感觉？

我想，你永远都不会知道……

甜蜜的谎言

甜蜜的谎言
包着糖纸的毒药
让我投进它怀抱
把我腐蚀掉
让我沉醉其中无法醒来

甜蜜的谎言
一旦被识破
伤痕累累却还不愿清醒
还想相信
你还在身边
继续给我
甜蜜的谎言

左边胸口在咆哮
你却不再看我心疼撒娇
遗留下心痛的我
和你
甜蜜的谎言

我不想
不想你把她抱
我不想
不想再也听不到
你疼惜的话语
我不想
不想忘记你的笑声
我不想
不想知道你的承诺只是甜蜜的谎言
我不想
不想让你知道伤你的话
是我善意的谎言

原谅我的自私
原谅我无法假装坚强
原谅我无法强颜欢笑面对你
原谅我还无法忘记你和那些甜蜜的谎言
原谅我明白爱是多么实现残酷
才选择对自己残忍
原谅我不曾给过你
甜蜜的谎言……

我相信，
你会幸福的。

hey boy~

Thanks for everything you have done for me
Thanks for the sweet words u told me
Thanks for the promises you given to me
Thanks for the cares you showed to me

it is the time for me to totally leave you
you will have a better one
without my control and fixing
you will be happier

you were the first one
who gave me the promises
you were the first one
who cared for how I felt and what I minded
thank you for being the first
even though we could not get into a closer step

please leave me alone
I am fine ^^
but I am not strong and determine enough
so please leave me alone
don't come and shake my heart
I do not want to destroy your impression built in my heart
be nice to her
keep every promise u said
care for her more than how you ever cared for me

Don't worry
I am fine here.
I am always one,
so there is no problem for me.
take care and rest well.
don't get yourself uncomfortable or ill again.
I'll pray for u and her.
GOOD LUCK ^^

有谁

能够安抚我不安的灵魂？

有谁

能告诉我，

保护的定义是什么？

当期望变成希望

当希望变成奢望

当奢望变成失望

当失望变成无望

当无望变成绝望

我该如何把期望和绝望理清？

是时候清醒了……

在还没有泥足深陷之际

醒来吧！

总要一天，

会找到爱情的导航仪……

现在，

微笑，是最好的心情遮瑕膏！
加油！ ^^

醒醒吧！傻瓜！

已经一个礼拜了，也该醒了。
或许他早就把你忘了，你还留恋他的温柔疼惜；
有什么用？
是什么时候开始，你让他走进你的心里？
让你彻夜难眠，带着不安入睡的那个他……
不是说好了，不可以那么快就陷下去吗？

是你自己限制了那么多；是你自己漏了个洞；

才会让爱神有机可乘……

无法挽回，伤心也无济于事。

承诺得太快，更显示他的不用心，

那你又何必在意，他心疼你的话语？

醒醒吧！傻瓜！

若他真的在意你的想法，你现在就不会一个人苦苦思考；

若他真的介意你的眼泪；你就不需要为了忍住泪水而抓狂；

若他真的在乎你，他就不会让你一个人默默的思念；

若他真的……把你放在心上。

你向自己承诺过的

伤心难过不可以超过一天~

明天的你，要微笑要重新开始！
要相信自己是最棒的！
加油！

好，不好，都是种烦恼

每次。。。
每次…………
我都是被疼惜的那个~
为什么呢？我也不懂哦~
只是觉得，身边的人都很包容我，很爱我，很宠我。
我真的很感动，但也很怕。
感动，是因为有人会因为我的快乐而快乐，悲伤而悲伤；
怕的是，他们只是过客，然后会一个一个头也不回的离开。
我不是怕寂寞，只是，没有人疼惜的日记是怎样的？
会很孤单吧？我不晓得……

有时候，会怀疑别人为什么对自己那么好~
自己不是特别出色，也没有很出众，更没有利用价值。
顾虑得太多，反而显得自己很情绪化。
从小就被教育说，人际是最难懂的，所以也是自己最不在行，最担心受伤的地方。没有安全感如果真的戴上安全帽就能了事，那我一定准备很多顶预备。可是现实告诉我，那并不能。
太保护自己了，反而把自己上了锁，变成榴莲，刺得别人满身伤，不让人靠近。
也许真的要跌过伤过才会懂得真正的保护自己吧~

但是，大多时候，每当遇见对我好的人，我都会一头栽下去，享受着被人宠爱被人重视的感觉。所以，每每都会把自己当作是公主，然后把对我好的人欺负。把别人弄得遍体鳞伤,自己却不见的很好受~真是自作孽。
每当夜深人静的时候我都会想，你们何时会离开?我要如何适应？我不需要保护，但是我没有想象中那么勇敢。我只是会努力不哭，其他的，是伪装。所以，不要用你所认为对的假象在我身上，我不一样。
我霸道，也自私。是我的，别人就不可以拥有。我坚持、固执了太久，却没有人愿意打破这面冰块，我在里面都快冻僵了，却还是等不到救兵……
我的坚持有错吗？固执就了也累了。倘若没有依靠，我会是我自己的依靠，也知道我是最好的依赖。所以也没差啦~习惯就好^^
每个人都渴望爱情，但是当它来临时，却又怕接到的是刺猬，而不是皮球~
希望我接到的，不会是手榴弹……
如果你没有打算要留下来，那请你别停下来，遗留下更多伤害……

我渴望的，只是……
安定和永恒。

我不需要奢华，
更不需要太多的朋友家人。
只要他们都还在我身边，
我就感到很窝心，很幸福了。
我的要求真的很简单，
只要我爱的人都在我身边，
我就满足了。

谢谢你们一直都在我身边……
我爱你们。

忙忙忙~

三月来了~哈哈哈。很期待，因为我生日快到了，快满二十了！(高兴)^^
可是阿。好多的Assignments 要赶哦~ 有些累~哈哈哈。好久都没上来了。嘻嘻嘻，幸好Assignment延迟了，所以才抽空写写下……
不过阿，收集到一半的诗华日报的福尔摩斯探案集也不再收集了（一些篇章都不见了，想问人帮我有不好意思麻烦）。所以鲁~没了~
哈哈哈,其实还好啦~因为自己已经有收集他的书了。
其实这个月还有点复杂的。想要想很多东西，但是好像抽不出时间去想。
停了工，其实还蛮伤感的。那么喜欢小孩子的我，却因为时间表排不到而要放弃。小孩子的利益最重要啦！所以没关系！而且我也可以比较专心读书了。哈哈哈。 不过真的很感谢工作期间老板娘的爱戴和器重及所有同事们的帮助，让我的人生阅历更丰富！
 人嘛~总要往好的方面想！:p
不过阿~我看见了一个文章，让我很想分享。
我一直都告诉别人说，我的爱情要以结婚为前提。很多人都笑说荒唐！我当然知道这很难，但是只要尝试，谁知道能不能阿~对吗？ 起先已经快想放弃这种想法了，我甚至不知道是否因为这个原因，男生都吓跑了~哈哈哈。
不过，张曼娟老师的一片文章让我又有所改观了。希望你们也那么认为~
爱情不是游戏，别戏弄它~
" 两性之间的话是很微妙的。因为时代的不同，同样的一句话可能发生迥然不同的效果。当我年轻时，为了表示对一段关系的认真，我们会说：“我是以结婚为前提与你交往。” 也就是说，我不是玩玩而已，我很认真的看待我们之间的关系。那么，就算相处过程中发生一些不愉快或很难协调的差异性，想到[以结婚为前提]这句话，也变得不那么难受了。反之，若对方没有表示要以结婚为前提的态度，是很不可靠的，也是不负责任的。
然而，时代真的改变了。那天我在餐厅和朋友用餐，听见隔壁桌有两个打扮时尚的女生,正讲到激动处，“他说他是以结婚为前提跟我交往的，真是笑话！”我内心撞击了一下，也许这是谎话，但不至于是笑话吧！那个女生继续说道：“他说他要存钱买房所以不能带我出国旅行。他说生日和特别日子不必过了,因为我们要务实一点！对了，他还说应该把我养了八年的嘟嘟送走，因为我们该养小孩不是宠物。他只想跟我结婚，并不想爱我。否则，为什么我想要的全部都得放弃？我放弃那么多，只是为了成为他对结婚的的想象，只是为了当他老婆？笑话!”
听完激动小姐的话，我忽然觉得她的“笑话论”其实自有道理，{以结婚为前提}似乎已经慢慢贬值了。让女人知道，{我是以爱你为前提}也许更有吸引力。"

其实，对我来说，那个男的也许用错了方法，但女的说得也没错。就像张老师说的，以爱为前提，或许就是间接以结婚为前提了吧？不爱，敢吗结婚呢？不结婚，敢吗爱呢？

爱情不是游戏，结婚也不会是坟墓。

就这样了。
愿大家幸福快乐…………^^
记得要幸福哦~

confictsSS 0x0x0x

It has been a long time since the last time I came here. wow, a lot of things to do,more busy than a buzz buzz working bee. College, childcare center, Chinese New Year, etc... bla bla bla. A lot...
The Chinese New Year was so boring that I just kept watching movies at cinema. And the cinema is really "high" standard that I was sweating all the way while waiting for the postponed movie. -.-!!!
The life is really packed, especially the change of the study schedule makes my life a little upside down, hardly cope with the afternoon class as I have to wake up very early to go to work. Wow, it is fantastic and I am like super woman! The superwoman that is not flying but drive by mama here and there. hahaha. It is even worse when I have my dancing class and have to give my brother tuition at night. However, I would not blame all of these as they are my choices.
In order to release myself so that I would not collapse anytime and I can get better from my illness, I have to make choices that really reluctant for me to do so. First, I plan to quit my job. It is quite heart-tearing as I love the kids so much and I wish I can help them to do better. The other reason is that I know I am disappointing people that having very high hope on me... I am sorry to say, but I have to quit for all's benefit. I kept measuring what should and what should not do... I know there wouldn't be gaining if there is no losing. that is really the matter of student vs teacher vs worker. wow imagine I have to play at least 3 roles in a day. what to say a daughter, sister,cousin, friend...owww, luckily I'm not bipolar~
If I quit the job, i can concentrate more on my studies, as I take 6 subjects this semester, I wish I can cope with it. Another thing is that I wish I can get more time to rest so to "repair" my body system. I am going to visit to Chinese physician and rest according to his advice. OMx my body defense mechanism is so weak these 2 years! My cough still not healed for around 2 months -.-.Hate coughing. It makes me look so stupid! I think one of the reason is because I did not eat medicine.wakakaka
Actually my kids are at my most concern. f I quit the job, my students can get a better teacher that can concentrate on them so that they can learn at their very best and their potentials can be seen. I do not wish they keep waiting for me or I keep interfere their studies or revision because of my time table. I always remember that some of the children kept asking me previous week," teacher, why yesterday you didn't come?" And then I have to explain overall again to them. They are cute, nice and innocent, even though some of them are naughty, bad-tempered, spoiled, destructive... I see them as my own kids, and now I have to leave them. It will certainly takes time for me to overcome it and I wish the students are the same. I wish I would not hear anything from my sister like "the children asked why you are not coming" and whatsoever. They will be the best without me^^
The last one, being a worker, I don't think I fulfill my duty and my responsibility has not been done. I always feel guilty about this. I don't want other to think that I am here because I want to earn money, that is not true. The high salary that the boss gives me make me even ashame. I saw how hard my boss has worked because of me, changing of the time table over and over, bringing me for trip and course, driving me to visit doctor... Can you find such a good and caring boss in this world? No. Perhaps by putting down all the loads on my shoulder, I can feel more relief, so do my boss as she does not need to think so much for my sage. I just hope that she will agree if I want to visit the kids and help her for sometimes. ^^ I really appreciate very much on what she had done to me and my sister. Her care and consideration towards me can never be returned to her. Thank you very much and I will always think of you and your teachings.
There are people walking in and out throughout our lives. We cannot stop them to walk away, but we can stop our memory to think of them for some moments. The most important thing is how we take it, measure it and face it.
Nothing is perfect,
nothing lasts long,
nothing does not hurt...
embrace the conflicts,
smile to the conflicts,
endure the conflicts...
Life is simply because I ever met you...
thank you very much for letting me to know you and walked into your lives.
have a nice day.
Gambate!