梦游记

Life is Dream Walking; I dream Walking in my LIFE^^

新年新希望、新愿望

十二月三十一日,二零一零的最后一天。再多两个小时,新的一年就来临了。妹妹们都各自有约,只有我独自在家中陪伴两老。多么感伤阿!正直花样年华的岁月,我却依然含苞未放……
每年的这个月这一天,都会守岁(虽然不是农历新年,但是为了双亲还是做了)。想着一整年所做的,对的错的,都一并掠过脑海。每年的这一天,我的心都充满着期待、彷徨和些许失落……期待是因为新的一年即将来临,人永远都不会知道明天将会发生的事情;彷徨是因为不晓得所许的愿是否能实现;失落是因为一些想做的事在今年即将结束的当儿还是无法完成。
每年,我都会给自己设下一些计划及理想。每一次,当这些梦想无法完成时,我也只好把它移到明年。数一数,其实今年我所如愿的事情也不少,至少比往年多得多。这或许是因为已经中学毕业了,父母的束缚没有那么严了,自己也比较有能力作自己想做的事了。
第一件成真的事情是能够到外国吃吃喝喝、做做工、交交外籍朋友,经历与同年龄不同的生活琐碎事。虽然只是邻国新加坡,有些见闻已经是略有所闻,屡见不鲜了,但是所有不同的经验让我成为一个更独立自信的人。 只是,所存到的钱只够我付清第一学期的考试费。
第二件实现了的事情是拍了个人专辑。听人家说,女生一生中应该至少为自己拍一阁个人专辑,因为那意味着那时的自己是如何的青春年华,就算以后皱纹如何肆虐自己的脸,自己也不会有太多的遗憾。其实这个专辑后面有一个梦,梦前面是所有人的劝告;梦后面是无数的诱惑及憧憬。纵使梦碎了,我却不觉得有任何损失,毕竟我赚到了另一个人生经历。(虽然这个经历真的很奢侈)
另外一件值得让我庆幸的事是我终于如愿以偿的选读我喜欢的科系——心理学和大众传播。当心理医生是我从很小时就设下的理想。如今,我终于有机会亲闻它的香泽了。纵然期间父亲听闻人言,认为这是条不归之路,不赞成我选修。但是,在我一再的坚持下,他终于放下矜持,认可了我倔强的抉择。就连一向保守古板的妈妈都说:“读书就应该读自己有兴趣的,不然以后做工哪会做得长久呢?”这更鼓励我走向我选择的道路上。无论以后这是条康庄大道或是崎岖山路,我都会很努力地一一把它们踩在脚下,不让它们有机会把我绊倒!
纵使今年实现了很多梦想,但是其实还有更多的梦在等待着。人嘛,不贪心一点就不会更努力去追求!希望明年能实现的第一个愿望是拍全家福,因为现有的照片已近三年了,是时候更新了。
刚才家里有个派对,亲戚朋友都到了,听悉我两个妹妹都出外,只有我留在家,免不了很好奇。哈哈哈。妈妈就笑说她们想快点让她抱孙子。她心里其实还蛮担心的。哈哈哈。所以另一个就是希望明年有机会带个像样的男伴回家给父母瞧瞧,让他们放心这个女儿已经长大了,有人照顾了,他们可以安心了。
接下来,我还计划买个缝纫机给自己。我想来喜欢DIY和缝纫,以往都是用手做的,花费很多时间,所以想买台给自己,好让自己有机会将自己所爱的送给大家,与所有我爱的人分享。 ^^ 当然,我也计划和妹妹年尾去绑牙,不知道需要花多少钱叻~所以现在要节衣缩食了。哈哈哈。不然欠下一屁股债就糟了!
还有一个理想,希望我能够出版一本被大众喜爱的书。也希望我能快点完成学业,赚第一个一万块钱让父母出国旅行。还有很多很多的愿望,让我的未来更加美好,让我更能努力的向上生活,勇敢地活出自己的天空!
虽然时间一直走、一直在倒数,离明年只有四十多分钟,但我相信总有一天我会在每年的十二月以前把所有的梦想一一实现!让新的一年有新的希望,而不拖欠往年任何愿望!愿所有人年年健康幸福无烦恼!
新年快乐!

SURPRISED!!!

        I had tonnes of things to surprise, since I entered my college,SEGI College Sarawak. hahaha. well, you can  say I am 'rusa masuk kampung', I don't mind. ^^
       I was totally blank when I first went into the class, people that I did not know at all, the different way of settings of furniture and class, the lecturer that I had never familiar with... I was totally left out, did not know what  should I do, as I am really not the type that will talk to others before others started to talk to me. I still miss my friends so much, 3gu6po~ hehehe. they are my BBF! I got my first shocked here, as for the whole week which we had 4 classes, we introduced ourselves. I wondered the lecturers can remember our name or not. And my guessing was right, but some, they did not know who are you. SAD... hahaha. Don't really care actually. And what's more, the course mates are very easy going, and they love to make friend. I am very lucky to enter this class, as I am half stepping on my dream, and I have such many nice new friends, though their attitude is very different and kind of...weird.wahahaha
       I was again surprised, by the TURNITIN...OMX! hahaha shocked as that was my first assignment. Luckily, that was not a big deal. hahaha. haiz... assignment can kill,, especially for that subject! hahaha. the exam also a part of shocking; as I couldn't catch what is the format, and acted like a fool.hahaha.
      Aside from studies, I have surprised in Love as well. Surprisingly, I begin to fall for you, as you are not my cup of tea. I am wondering why...huh~ anyway, I do not want to be your burden, that is why I keep it to myself, and you are the only one who guessed it out.How stupid! hahaha. well, whether you tell other or not, I cannot be sure... Be quiet is the only thing I can do. I know you wont love me.I will not say that I am not hurt at all, but I will be fine someday^^
      Another surprise from the loved one as well... I never knew you did visit my blog. That is why I kept writing on my feeling towards you. hohoho... this time I really don't know where to put my face when I see you... zZZ... hahaha. so paiseh as my posts so SEXY~ wahahaha... I am sorry if you feel confused or sorry or guilty towards me, I don't mean to make you feel so... hahaha. But ho, you are good at pretending, if you did not tell me I really wont know you had read my blog... hahaha. ANYTHING. Thank you.
       One surprise from my darling, Jane who wishes to be the intermediate person to introduce a guy to me. hahaha. well, really surprised as she said she thought of me since she first saw the guy. hahaha. well, you know my taste, I am sure of it^^ thanks alot for you kepoING... Hope you don't mind I share it here. I really appreciate that you still concern about me even we did not meet so often after SPM. well, wish you all the best! Muakz~
       Now, I am surprised with myself. hahaha. I am still who I am, who love to laugh and smile, but  lost the enthusiasm to do something... haiz. Find me someone to accompany me to walk the way back. hahaha. yo my friends!where are you? And I found that I am actually suffering night blindness,Think back all those time when I was younger, I used to on the light even when the day is still visible. and the illness for 9 years, but still not be able to cure even I had changed so many doctors.
        The other shocking-my-life-off thing is I always have the same nightmare, the vampire...since I was young. The sane vampire, same locations, with the up-to-date individuals around me. It is scary and I was so scare until I did not dare to sleep as I afraid it might attack me again in the dream recently. T.T ... I feel like I want to cry so much but I cannot find a reason to cry. Since when I faded my mask to be strong and becoming weaker? I still alone and there is no reason why I should be weak, as I have not found anyone who I can lean on. I don't mind to find slowly. I am still the mercury, strong enough the withstand the temperature!
jia you jia you! I am at my best!
gambate!
have a nice day everyone~


贵人

是否曾经有个人,不惜回报的一直帮助着你:在你无助时给你力量、借你肩膀、给你依靠、替你撒谎、给你讲笑话、为你的窘境解围?可是,她却不是你的家人、亲戚,你们无任何血缘关系,但她就是时时关怀着你……如果你能遇到这样的人,不需要很多,你就是世界上最幸运的人了,因为你碰见了你生命中的贵人。
我很幸运,每当我生活陷于低潮时期,总会有人,陪我度过难关。她们,是和我无亲无故,但却又情同姐妹的好拍档。谢谢你们,三姑六婆。遇见你们是上天给我丰厚的礼物。也因为有你们,我的世界更精彩。无论以后我们是否常见面,抑是会吵架,都希望我们能一直在一起,陪着彼此。记得我们的约定:老了的时候,你们要在公园等着我回来与你们会面。在等我的当儿,被其他跟我们现在一样青春年华的一群朋友看见,然后让这个约定一直延续~
你们是我的第一号贵人……

还有一种人,她赏识你、给你吃喝、供你上课、免费飞机票住宿费、带你去玩、关心你、带你去看医生、时常买东西给你,却没有要求任何回报,甚至于让旁人认为她的举动是有所企图的。相同的,你们非亲非顾,认识尚浅,她却无条件的帮助你。如果在你声明里有幸碰见这样的人,你真的是世界上少数的幸运儿,因为你碰见了你生活中重要的贵人。
而我,真的是少数幸运儿中的幸运儿,因为我遇见了这一号人物。还没有正式认识我,你却让我去参加课程,出飞机票和带我去玩,可见你有多信任我们;认识我不就及一个月,你就打算让我当你岗位中重要的角色;看见我有病,你还特地抽空载我看医生,还花钱买药给我;还时常买东西给我和我的家人,我真的有无数的感激在心头。你从来都不曾要求我为你做些什么,却一直这样关怀着我,我非常的感激,也很庆幸我是如此的幸运,遇见了你。当然,也觉得很惭愧,一直劳烦着你,带给你麻烦,你却无任何怨言。你为我做的,我全都看在眼里,不晓得如何报答你才是。其实也很愧疚,如果有一天,我无法再帮你,那我会有多汗颜呢?搁着一堆恩情于不顾,真的会很不好过。但是,真的很谢谢你,Madam Cecilia。你让我看见世间有温情,你让我相信这个世界是美好的,还是有一种人会一直付出而不求回报。感激你的出现,感恩你的关怀。我一直相信好人有好报。你一定会很健康幸福的!
其实,世界上还有好多好多种人,他们在你需要时帮助你,也许只是不经意地替你踢掉你面前的一块绊脚石,但是这一臂之力,却让你从渊谷里爬了起来;也许,他们并不晓得、并不介意,但是对你来说,那是无限的感激。没错!他们,就是贵人!
贵人并无大小、轻重之分,只要他们的行动值得你去感激的,就是一个帮助了你的人。有人说:"贵人不一定是帮助你的人,他们也许是在你沮丧失败时踹你一脚、落井下石的人,可是,就是他们的嘲讽,你才得以振作及后来的成功。所以说,他们何尝不是你的贵人呢?"
总之,只要懂得付出与收获,只要懂得感激,贵人将会无处不在。或许,哪一天,我也会成为别人的贵人也说不定~
愿我的贵人们生活美满安康!
加油!

不懂自己在说什么,就像不懂为什么会爱你一样。

一语道破你的思想。很难过的,你的高兴换来了我的哀伤。过后你是怎样的解释,其实第一句就已足够证明你在想什么了。只是,很悲哀的,让你失望了。
真的很感激你的不小心,也很感谢你并没有给我期待,让我继续等待。
曾经想过,如果不爱你,我的世界会不同吗?只不过少了个人住在心里吧~所以,无所谓了!
是啊!如果我没有爱上你,也许那该有多好呢~
我不会恨你,这是真的。伤心我一个人就够了,为什么还要把你拖下水呢?没必要。你有你的自由和快乐。
其实知道自己真的很傻。为什么会为了你而不顾这个不管那个呢?好好笑。自己都变得不像自己,不像自己喜欢的那个自己。就连自己也不喜欢这样的自己,哪还有理由要你来喜欢这样的自己呢?
只是,每次看见你有困难,每次看见你因为某些事烦恼,就会情不自禁的想帮你。
真的很可悲~就连最后的那份矜持,好像都遗失了。那我还有什么值得你去留恋的呢?
没有。
我并不介意在你最困难的时候才出现;在你开心的时候消失。毕竟,爱在困苦中更能让我知道,我曾爱你,曾为了你的奋斗而心疼。这是我爱你所能给的。谁会知道,等到有一天我不爱你了,我就不会为了你而熬夜,彻夜等待着你的信息……
我会继续爱你吗?这样下去,我的自尊还会犹存吗?感情里的未知数往往让人烦恼不已,但它就是充满了未知数。让我想爱,却又不敢爱。
痛苦吗?其实是不会的。毕竟,我喜欢的是你,而不是和你在一起。所以,有什么好痛苦的呢?痛苦只是自讨苦吃吧~

多么希望我是只能带领你飞向幸福天空的风筝,而不是被你绑住的风筝。
谢谢你曾让我知道,我有能力帮助你,就算只是那么的一丁点,也很满足了~
也许,在未来的日子里,你会恨我的爱?我不晓得。
朋友急着介绍朋友给我认识,一直安排时间。其实心里是很感激的,纵使我心里依然有个你。
当然,身边都会有‘艳遇’的时候,只是,自己都不想去捉住,而把它放掉了。
我没有在等你,只是想处在原地徘徊,等待着另一个人出现把我牵走。
也许,我是想把心冰封,等待另一个人为我热化?
我不知道。
在爱里兜兜转转了那么久,其实已经看开了,淡化一点,人就漂亮一些。简简单单就能很幸福。
现在的我还没有那个能力去真正的于任何一个人携手相伴,即使有时候真的希望身边有个人陪伴着。我不能。
我不懂自己罗罗嗦嗦到底在说什么,就像,我不懂为什么我会爱上你一样。
会继续爱下去吗?顺其自然吧~
你呢?会怎样?
但愿你幸福就好~

你不知道,其实……



你不知道
其实想对你说的话不多,
只要几句就能表达我的心声,
可是我连一句都没有告诉你。

你不知道
其实并不想放开你,
可是我的爱却成了你的负担。
其实很想一直爱着你,
让你知道我的真心,
可是却又不想空等待。

你不知道
其实很想明白你在想什么,
可是却无法开口问你。
其实很想很想你,
可是却不知道有什么理由
可以如此告诉你。

你不知道
其实很想了解你,
却不晓得你是否愿意让我这么做。
其实孤单寂寞,
很想有你的陪伴,
可是你却不能在身边。

你不知道
其实不想记得你,
可是脑海全都是你。
其实很想和你在一起,
可是你心中却没有我。

你不知道
其实伤心难过吃醋
可是却没有借口心疼你的心疼,
其实很想代替你的她,
可是却真的明白无法实现。

你不知道
其实真的很爱很爱你,
却只能藏在心里。

They Never Blame, because they LOVE me...

I am the trouble one
since I was young
sickness came one by one
attacking my body
attacking their soul and energy
disappearing their money and time
but they never blame
because they love me.

I am the trouble one
even it is now
sickness still with me
troubles still attaching with me
and I with my troubles attaching with them
but they never blame
because they love me.

I am the trouble one
hardly recognize places
having them to send me here and there
early in the morning
and even late at night
just to hand in assignment for me
without counting the distance
from east to west
from west to east
but they never blame
because they love me.

I am the trouble one
having a lot of activities
wasting their petrol
disrupt their time
disturb their routines
but they never blame
because they love me.

I am the trouble one
even on the dining table
pick and choose
bitter food I don't touch
fish without serve I don't eat
seafood on the table I skip
there must be a dish for me
but they never blame
because they love me.

I am the trouble one
having many hobbies
dancing reading and cooking
they even buy me ingredients
bring me suggestions
be my white rats
but they never blame
because they love me

I am the trouble one
yet
they care for me more than other siblings
my sister keep complaining how unfair is this
my sister keep blaming them for this
but they never blame
because they love me.

I am the trouble one
as my careless can kill me
bringing heart attack to my parents
when I got my IC for SPM
I hold it for 3 days
and missed it for 3 times
and they kept bla bla blaING
while handing the IC to me reluctantly
but they never blame
because they love me

I am the trouble one
never touch detergent water
never wash the dish and plate
throwing the chores to sisters
and they are always willing to help
without I asking them to do so
they never receive any good thing from me
but they never blame
because they love me

I am the trouble one
not only for my family
but my friends as well
they know me well
understand my weaknesses
they hold me while passing the road
they cover me when the grass cutting machine is there
they do not ask me to tie up a rubber
instead, untie it for me
they know what I want
they know what I think
they know my weaknesses
but they never blame
because they love me.

I have so many people who love me in this world,
without the love from a boy friend,
I am still loved by them
I am still loving them
they want nothing from me
except the smile on my face.
I LOVE YOU as much as You love me.
the love to you will never fade
and it will certainly last forever.
Thank You for being there for me.
I am who I am today
because of YOU.

想要……

想送你一座走向快乐健康的彩虹,

但我不是神也不是仙;

想要给你做顿饭,
但厨艺却不精湛;

想要给你一个爱的抱抱,
但却拉不下脸;

想要给你一个微笑,
却藏不住心中的感概;

想要知道你的一切,
却发现越来越不了解;

想要一个愿望,
却许了给你;

想要给你我全部的爱,
却担心被拒绝;

想要给你一辈子的爱,
却知道不可能;

想要的都无法做到,
只能爱你一天是一天……

简单,却又一点都不简单。

我喜欢我的工作,
因为那里有我爱的孩子。
每天跟他们在一起,
世界单纯了很多。
至少,
他们让我离开世俗风尘
让我明白
爱和承诺可以很简单,
只有你守信用……

我问一个学生:
“你喜欢来这里吗?”
“喜欢……”
“你喜欢XXX吗?”
“喜欢……”
“你喜欢YYY吗?”
“喜欢……”
“你喜欢老师吗?”
“喜欢……”
我一直重复同样的问题
他一直回答同样的答案;
没有厌倦的眼神,
只有无辜的好奇……
我疼惜的看着他,
摸摸他的头。
他的爱,
很简单……

有一个学生,
来学校时常常闹脾气不肯下车。
那天当他大闹平息下来后,
我问他:
“来学校不只是读书,
还可以来看老师和朋友,
你不喜欢来学校吗?”
沉默……
“你不喜欢你的朋友吗?”
沉默……
“你不喜欢老师吗?”
沉默……
“ 既然你喜欢,为什么要哭闹?”
沉默……
答应老师以后要开开心心地来学校好吗?
(伸出小指,他勾住。)
自那天起,他不曾再胡闹。
小小的人
小小的心
小小的承诺
大大的悦现
我真的很感动,
因为他放在心上……

还有一个两岁的豆豆,
牙牙学语,
没有人听得懂他在说什么,
他不以为意
成天咿咿呀呀
用力且激动的比手划脚
仿佛所有人都做了对不起他的事
你静静的看着他
他就会冲过来要你抱……
你会发现自己很容易被他的一举一动逗笑
纵使他的动作不是最好笑的
却是最真实的表现……

有很多学生不肯午睡
所以每天都要去哄他们睡觉
有时候
少了这个‘拍拍’的动作
他们就不肯睡
虽然他们嘴里不说
有一次
一个学生说:
“我要你这样‘拍拍’才睡
我走了过去
不一下
她就睡着了……
很简单的动作
却带来了我们之间的互动……
小孩要的并不多
一个拥抱
一个吻或被吻
都能让天使挂上笑容,
他们要的只是一丝关怀和注意……

有时候真的想
让他们一直活在这样简单的世界
不受污染;
又怕他们将来被世俗所骗。
矛盾……
是因为世界上的事情总要好坏两面,
无论你选择好或坏,
另一面总会出现困扰你……

有时候
也希望自己能和他们一样
爱得简单
想得简单
做得简单
承诺得简单
‘自己’得很简单……
简单,却又一点都不简单!

VACANCY for soulmate^^



CRITERIA: *must smile alot(it looks more sunny,I dont like mysterious type :*)
                   *not black (not necessary to be very good looking)
                   *at least 168cm
                   *responsible
                   *love me and love my family as well ^^ (this is a MUST,as I care my family the most)
                   *can take care of me
                   *not miserable(because I do)
                   *not show off type^^
                   *marriage as the precondition

JOB SCOPE: * love,care and help me
                      * protect me
                      * can sing for me if possible :p

WAGE: * Everything from me^^

Please feel free to apply if you match the criterias above.
Notes: It seems easy but it is actualy not.^^ do think twice before you apply,if not,please prepare a super glue to glue ur broken heart back.thanks.hahaha
Don't get amused when you read this.I am doing it with several reasons.
Some might think that I cannot stand to be lonely,that is why I have the vacancy.Anything,I dont really care what will you think of me.
And I have to emphasise that I am not.As I am going to be 20 next year,but I never experience a date before.You might think which era am I in...hahaha.It is your problem,not mine,I am normail,but extraordinary,because I love myself.If you dont love me,dont come near me.
Am I "closed minded" for some of you,I am not really sure.Hahaha.Anyway,I had been always the topic of my sisters.They always say that I will be an old virgin cause nobody wants me.hahaha.I am not really care what they say as I know I am somehow,erm....ATTRACTIVE too.Dont you agree with me? hahaha.I am not self-praising,ok? I mean it. ^3^ Is this consider as a reason? I wonder.hehehe.
Then,it is about my mama.I had never been into a date when I was having my secondary education,because I promised my mama that I will never have any boy friend,or else I will be dumped from school.hehehe,luckily I never disappointed her. O.o See,I am such a good and obedient daughter.(as well as a good girl friend,perhaps?) hehehe
Next,it is related to my friends,good friends I mean.They got to be paired one by one.hehehe.why should I be the last? hahaha.And somehow I dont want to be BULB anymore! How sarcastic is,when I am going out with some friends,and they get coupled,I am the only one left with no one beside me! omg! HOW BRIGHT  I am!hahaha...I am not saying that I keen to have a boy friend so that I can show off in front of my friends,but that is kind of...ENVY i think.anything...
SOMEMORE!!!
 It is the most important point why I post this here.hahaha.My cousin had actually just broken up with her girl friend.Anything...Is his home problem,hahaha.however,yesterday we had a party at home and he came.My siblings and him started to chit-chat on why he broke and so on...bla bla bla,until around 2am in the morning.hahaha. Then they started to ask,one by one,how many gf/bf we ever have... zZZ. what a lame question. And when I told them,so sarcastically they did not believe,just like how shocked my friends used to be when they asked me this. hahaha.So I told them I will write this and post it,and all of them agreed with this vacancy. hopefully this can shut their mouths up!hahaha...
URRRGGGHHH!
well,so many reasons,but I just couldn't find one...Maybe I am antisocial,according to someone. -.-!!!
I dont think so,seriously,I am just do not like to communicate with someone strange,that's all...hahaha
Anyway,Love cannot be forced...So, just make it slowly but as soon as possible so that I will not receive anymore "Ha?" "seriously?" "don't lie lar~" "cheating!" "..." as answer when I tell them next time.
Well, make your move, but be ready to be hurt. Hahaha...I am devil and I am cold blooded... ^^
anyway,Have a nice day.
good luck
Gambate!!!

矛盾

想要让你开心 却又怕弄巧反拙;
想要对你很好
却又怕你会发现我的心思;
想要发简讯给你
却又怕烦到你;
想要主动和你聊天
却又怕你认为我不矜持;
想在遇见你时给你个微笑
却又怕你不理会;
想要打开你的心扉
却又怕自己不自量力;
想要让你注意到我
却又担心你只看见我的缺陷;
想要在你面前表现自己
却又担心你认为我很骄傲;
想要在你面前大胆说话、建议
却又担心你会认为我不温柔;
想要在你面前温柔文尔雅
却又担心你没注意到安静的我;
想要在你面前装柔弱
却又担心你认为我是吃不了苦的大小姐;
想要在你面前装坚强
却又担心你认为我大女人主义;
想要和你吵吵嘴
却又担心你会讨厌我;
想要经常妥协
却又担心你会认为我没主见;
想要想你
却又担心你在想别人;
想要默默的喜欢你
却又想让你知道我的想法;
想要告诉你喜欢你
却又怕为难你;
想要忘记你
却又舍不得你的好;

想一个人孤单也可以过,
却又不甘寂寞;
想要大声说爱你
却又担心得不到相同的回应;
想要为你的快乐而快乐
却又常常独自掉泪……
想要为你做的事情
却又和心里心理相反;
爱真的很矛盾……

National Day Recycle Material Fashion Show Design Competition






well,it has been a long time ago since I participated in this competition. I always forgot about this post.And now,finally I post it here. ^^
The competition was hold in Boulevard second floor,it used to be the place where competitions are organise.hahaha. It was a day before National Day,which was 30th of August,2010. When I was first telling my family I wanted to join this competition,they agreed.I was like OMG! because I thought they would say " No no no.so boring la you..." wow! it pushed me to work harder.hahaha.
Then I started my materials hunting,and a model hunting too! hahaha. I asked all my relatives and my 3gu6po to help me in searching those materials. THANKS ALOT for your help in order to make my costume looked 'perfect'. hahaha. throughtout the day, my mother always found that, the bottle caps had all gone missing. Later,she told me my brother was taking them all and giving all to me.hahaha. I was like...erm... scratching my head,acted ignorent.hahaha. At last I decided my model,my cousin.hahaha. After some 'training', she seems to be better and on the day of competition,there was even someone who said she looks like a professional model and perhaps better than them. wow! she was so happy I think she is going to faint if she heard it herself on spot.hahaha. Anyway, I always mock her that , ' see, I taught you how to cat walk and bla bla bla...' and then she always show me the face of ungrateful.hahaha. who cares,just for fun.
On the day, it was so embarrassed because I had to carry the whole costume( which is really big and obvious) into the boulevard.Everyone seems to look at us,and maybe they would think : what on earth are this two girls doing? bringing those 'weird' things...
hahaha. Again. Who cares! We were quite early so we just made up and did whatever we think is necessary at there. Of course, we met other competitors,which some of their designs were really amazing me! hahaha. It was a competition not limited to only young people, but children and elder. And the winner for the competition was the elderly group which their ideas were like 'snow white' costume. It was really cool.hehehe. Anyway, we got ourselves a consolation prize. To tell you the truth, every participant was entitled to a prize.hahaha. However, I did not think mine is the lousiest, it looks pretty nice too! this is not self-console anyway. ^^
from the left is the champion.
my group with 1st runner up!
The competition not only includes the fashion show, but also an explaination which had to do on the stage, expain briefly on the design' concept,perspective and anything related. And I was the one to explain, as my siblings did not want to 'show off'. hahaha.
i am explaining^^
It was kind of undescribeable touching and happiness when my mother came here earlier to watch the competition. Previously, no matter what event and competition I took part, she never attended. I remember I had my public speaking competition,jogathon and many more. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME! hehehe.
And she was overjoyed when she saw my prize was all the cooking ingredients. hahaha. So I handed the whole so-called-hamper to her,and got myself and my sisters the books which were given together.
OK. What I wanted to say is, this is a very interesting activity to join,beside making friends with people, it socialise my life, so that I would not be antisocial. lalala. What's more, it is kind of competition that raises your creativity,it is fun and challenging! The most important is, it realised my dream to be a fashion designer.
wow... the dream that has almost decomposed in my mind... and finally, GOTCHA! hahaha
for some reasons,I am not be able to upload the pictures here.By the way, you can go to my facebook album to have a look on it/Or perhaps I can make it to upload it here when I come to onlilne.that's all for now.
Have a nice day!
good luck!

there is one I admired

There is one I admired. He is a gentleman. This time I am not going to tell him. Instead, I will put him in my deep heart core, miss him and care about him with all I can. This is the most I can do so that he will not suspect on me.
Why not other but him? I do not know. Perhaps it was the days when I saw him looked so down and upset, and a feeling of care rose from my left closet. My mind was telling me, ‘you’re responsible to care about him.’ Some more, he was those rare kind that will not count whatever he does for other, so do for me. He never tries to count on me.

He told me,' the more you sacrificed, the more advantages people will get from you, because they think this is a must so they just take it for granted.’ I know he had given a lot but he did not get what is deserved, he hurt deeply.

I know I will not take whatever he gives for granted. I will not ask anything from him in return. What I wish is: he is always happy without emoting. Hopefully this is why my mind told my heart I should care about him. I know I am not be able to cure him up, it is also unnecessary for I am the one when he has no one, but at least I wish I can be the one he can think of when he is sad or alone. I am not a cheerleader, but I am a good listener.

It is ok if he holds other girl’s hand. I will be sad for sure, but I will be happier as I know that he feels secured and happy. I am not sages, but I have a big heart, that I can give him a big smile for assuring that I am fine with anything. This is what he used to tell me. Who knows? Maybe someday else I will tell him this sentence back.

I remember there was period that I was hesitating whether should I fall for him? It was a struggling moment and I was lost. But I found it later, just let it be. I am happy if he is happy.

Don’t ask me why I choose to not to tell him. I do not want to make him sad. I also don’t want to drown our new born friendship. I am a burden, shouldn’t be loved by someone gentle like him. He ought to have his happiness, but not with me. I am spoiled, I have princess attitudes, I am a burden… it is very difficult to take care of me. So I better be alone than suffers him. So I better keep quiet if I want to continue.
“just love him with all you can when you meet a nice guy will do =) “
Indeed, I will. Thanks for his quote.

Please pretend that you do not know anything as this is the secret only for me. I am sharing it out so that I can always remember who is him, why I do this and what should I do to keep myself balance. I am not asking for anything, so please let me fall, but do not push me.

讽刺

很多人都会问:为什么到现在还不找男朋友?
我回答: 为什么我要找男朋友? 而不是男朋友来找我?
很讽刺~

我是女生,我应该有所矜持不是吗? 难道要我放下矜持告白,然后换来的只是耻辱的回答?
非常讽刺~~

若我放下尊严喜欢你,却得到你的冷淡,那是你的不对还是我的错?错就错在我喜欢上不喜欢我的你,所以可以被冷落。
真的很讽刺~~~

曾经想爱过,
曾经付出过,
曾经失望过,
曾经鼓起勇气,
曾经深深的受伤,
却不曾经在爱情里被疼爱过……
爱情没有绝对的对错,却也没有绝对的牺牲……
真的非常讽刺~~~~

"现在女生向男生告白已经很普遍了,为什么不试试看呢?那不代表你不矜持啊~”
让我告诉你一个故事:

你希望自己是个跳水高手,与此同时,你又怕高。
第一次,你鼓起了全世界聚集在你身上的勇气,爬上了那好高好高的跳板。你很兴奋,却也很担心,五味杂陈,不知道要如何表达那时的感受。
接着,你深深吸了一口气,一股脑儿的往下跳……
迎接你的原本该是温柔的池水,但是偏了,你跌落在池水边的冰冷陆地上,头破血流……
从此以后,你不敢再跳水了,更别提成为高手了。
直到有一天,池水告诉你:“来吧! 这次我一定把你接稳!我把自己放大些,别担心!”
你犹豫不决。头上的伤虽然痊愈,但是已留下不可磨灭的伤疤。
无论如何,为了自己的梦想,你决定再试一次。
然后……你……
被我骗了!
因为池水不可能会开口说话,不可能会有奇迹出现。所以,你,还是那个原来的你。
抚着头上的伤痛,你坐在观众席上,看别人跳水,安慰安慰自己。而你再也不敢鼓起勇气去尝试那曾经让自己心痛的往事了。

看的懂其中的寓意吗?

当你第一次鼓起一辈子以来最大的勇气来告白的时候,以为迎接你的是温暖的怀抱,但是希望落空,你被拒绝了,伤痕累累……第二次,当爱再次告诉你,给自己多一个机会吧! 你已经恐惧了,不敢再尝试了。因为爱是盲目的,它看不见你的悲哀,它只晓得你想被爱。你明白,一味的付出及告白,并不代表奇迹会眷顾而降临在你身上。所以现在的你,只好以旁观者的角度,看着别人分分合合,告诫及安慰自己了。
超级大讽刺!

爱没有黑白,没有是非对错,只有牺牲付出。可是这不代表你付出的越多,所得到的就会越丰厚。所以,当你无悔的付出时,请别想要有所收回。就把它当作泼出去的水,永远也收不回来了。
看开点,日子就会好过很多。大家加油!

我的眼睛

我的眼睛
就像是天空

当我开心时
万里晴空
天气晴朗
滋润着花草树木
我的微笑更似春风
沐浴着所有人都心情
当我伤心时
乌云密布
哗啦啦掉下来的雨水
溅湿了大地
跌进来心谷
掉落在地面上的水滴
如我心
碰地即碎
暴风雨将一切理智淹没

幸运的是
碎了一地的泪滴
会慢慢蒸发
重新被阳光接纳
再次轮回……

眼睛,
是心情表现屋……

累赘

累赘默默爱着你,不是一种罪
刻意不想你,是一种刺锐
不能再爱了,是一种心碎

静静的转身,是一种后退
无言的离开,是一种干脆
微笑的泪滴,是一种点缀

旁观你悲泣,是一种不对
看见你孤单,是一种惭愧

看见你改变,是一种欣慰
看见你微笑,是一种领会
看见你幸福,是一种珍贵

拒绝你的好,是一种自卫
因为喜欢我,是一种累赘……

Memorable Dizigui level1 6-12 September 2010

We went to KL first before we headed to Chung Hua cultural Education Centre at Selangor. Our trip at KL was very rushed. Our flight delayed so we reached there late at about 9pm something. Then we went for our dinner + supper. After that we shopped around and able to get some souvenirs. After that, we went back to our hotel and waited for the next day to come! The next morning,after we had our breakfast, we went to Sungai Wang, Time Square.We were like ‘seeing flowers when riding a horse.” Hahaha. That was funny! At around 2pm, we headed to the place where the course was held.
It was a one week course hold in Selangor, from 6th to 12th September 2010. When I first reached there, I was totally amazed! Hahaha. The scenery is extremely beautiful that I thought I was somewhere out of the world! And my first impression to those volunteer staffs there were: OMG! So polite! Hahaha
For the first day, we were given some notes and books. We were like baby, learnt from the basis, from sitting, standing, sleeping, and eating to greeting. It was so surprise the habits we did everyday are so wrong!
Our first class was given by Mr. Lee, I remembered some quotes he said which I think is very true:
1. We always ignore the minor habits, but it is these things that make us ungentle.
2. Do things for sincerity, not for formality.
Yes, we should do everything from our heart.
After the dinner, we had an introduction session. Everyone had to introduce themselves on the stage. It was so call ‘ice breaking session’. Wow! It was cool as I could make friends with different backgrounds and countries!
On the second day, we gathered at 6.30 am and then matched down to ground floor to do an exercise that they called it “8 duan jing”.
After the breakfast, we went for our classes again. Due to the packed schedule, we did not have much break, and seriously it was tiring!
One of the teacher, Teacher song who gave us talks on Chinese Culture, said, ”the whole world can betray you, but you cannot betray anyone.”
I love this quote so much! Hahaha
Then , we learnt about Chinese characters. I found some characters were really interesting when she gave some examples like ‘忍’( a blade put on the heart) and ‘卡’´which is the combination of ‘上’ and ‘ 下’ . Some more as different dialects has different pronounciation of the character, it might be misinterpreting. For instances, try to read this: ‘吃晒巨’ in Cantonese and in Hokkien. Hahaha.
At night we watched a Korean movie, ‘The Way Home’. It was about how a dumb grandma changed her stubborn naughty grandson throughout the days they lived together. At the end of the movie, the self-centred naughty grandson began to change and love his grandma. It was so touching and I wish I can share it with my friends someday.
Besides, we also had singing session which we learnt to sing and practice sign language. The song we sang included ‘rasa sayang’. Mr. Billi suggested that maybe next time we can learn to sing Hakka song which can interact all the participants! Hahaha it was a great idea! To our dismay, Teacher Huang was going to leave as she had to go to Sibu for another course. All of us felt so upset as she was leaving as we enjoyed the class with her!
The next day, Teacher Lily taught us calligraphy. She explained why we should learnt it. The reasons were to make us concentrate better, purify our mind, be perseverance and it is a foundation for the education too! We also learnt to do lotus from her. It was not tough but I torn my lotus petals.hahaha. We did not have time to continue our Chinese knot learning,and she promised us that we can learn it at Dizigui Level 2.
Later, we had our singing class and lectures from Teacher Song again! They were the most enjoyable classes I love them so much! We watched another movie at night, ‘True Warrior’. In the movie, there was a conversation at the end of the movie:
“where are you?”
“in this moment.”
“When are you?”
“ now.”
… …

Wow! So meaningful but so sorry that I could not recall the last sentence!
Some more!
Dead is not sad, the sad thing is most people did not live at all.”
Stop thinking things outside yourself and start finding inside.”
This is a movie filled of inspirations and motivations.
At the second last day of the course, we were given talk by Teacher Yeo. He is also the one I admired as the talks he given was always so motivated! He motivated us by asking us to shout “challenge!” “ I will do my best!”…and after the course, I could still see some of the course mates shouted these! Hahaha. It seems rooted in our hearts.
And he told us, ‘ tomorrow I will make you cry more.’ OMG! We seem to cry everyday and he wanted to make us cry again at the last day.hahaha. Indeed, he managed to do it with great success!
The last day of course, we were first given a game called “trust fall”. Each of us stood up on a higher place where the other people holding you when you lied down. It really needs courage and a lot of trust! The successful moment of his arrived when we were asked to give 3 goodness of other. I thought I could hold my tears, but when I was the receivers, and even the givers had not finished their sentences, I began to cry and we cried and hugged together. hahaha. We shared a lot of things there. Actually we were given options whether you want to shake hand or hug by playing ‘1 2 zoom’. But then, we did not have to play that and just straight away hugged each other. I remember one of the elderly said, ‘whenever I see you talked on the stage, it makes me feel like want to cry.’ OMG! Hahaha. I did not mean that! Hahaha. Perhaps I have the ability to touch people’s heart? Lalala…
Before the course ended, we had our group presentations. Group 1 acted movie, Group 2 sang songs and gave teachers cards, Group 3 sang ‘You raised me up’ and Li Ting gave some words of appreciation to the teacher and Our group presented a poem. The last program we did was watching the video they made which full of our photos during the course. Alamak! All my photos were crying! And my sister blamed the video maker, ‘ why all my photos were when I was crying?’ hahaha. Anyway, the video made us cried harder as we were going to leave, and the video was the only proof and memory we had there. Hahaha. I found my long-lost-sister, Lisa, at there too. Together we can form MonaLisa. ^^ hahaha. I also found a brother there,which together with my sister we formed ‘闪亮三姐妹’. He was 超级闪; I am 大闪 and my sister is小闪. Hahaha. It was nice! Wow…
This course really gave me so much “AHA!” hahaha.
Before we left,we hugged each other again and reminded them to visit each other! Aha, it was so ‘unleaveable’ and I wanted to stay! hahaha


Tis is me and Li Ting
tis is me my found bro and my sis
lisa^^
shi yi and xin nee
Teacher Lily
Yap
the author,Mr.Billi^^
my sis and me at the lakeside
me with the bright red bridge!
yun tong!
group photo!
KEEP IN TOUCH yea LISA, MEI YUN,JUE HUI, LI TING, SHI YI,XIN NEE, YAP, YUN TONG, UNCLE PHUN…

Miss and love you all. Hope to see you if I can make it to level 2!
Those memories will not be deleted from my brain forever.
Good luck and take care.
Have a nice day!

To be, or not to be...

It is my second day of college life,
Life is remaining
to be grateful and greatful;
I enjoy my life,
and I love it my way,
as I can do whatever I wanted to,
with all the supports from my loved one.

Thanks papa mama;
thanks mei mei and didi;
thanks to my friends;
for non-stop caring me,
supporting what I want,
trying to help me grabbing it,
though there are objections in between,
LOVE had beaten it all.

To be,or not to be,
You had shown me what can I be,
and what can you do
to make me believe that
I am to be
what I thought
I am not able to be...

THANKS to myself,
for keeping determine all the time,
not losing my enthusiasm on my dreams,
and getting to achieve them one by one...

To be,or not to be,
I had shown to everyone:
I can do it at my best,
and I will be it,
as I going through my life,
which,
there are much more complicated
than what we can think about;
as perserverance along our side,
there is always hope to be...

To be,or not to be?
that is the question,
people usually get confused,
as time goes on,
they did not be what they keen to be,
and give up those to be...
I am definately do not want to be one of them.

To be,
Or
Not to be?
That comes the question
to you...

gambate.
have a nice day.

owww~life is full of HOPE!

Life is so busy for me recently after I came back from Singapore.Of course,there is sometimes I miss the life and the people there,especially my colleagues.hehehe.Hope all of you are doing well. ^3^
After coming back,I had picked up a job again,in just a week.hahaha.I was a tutor.Just around 1 month something I had worked there,I resigned as I really could not adapt to the unsystematic of teaching method there. =_= I am sorry to say it as it is the first impression for me.How can you be able to make the children all excellent as everyday you were given different students? I wonder... o.O'"
Anyway,right after I resigned,I go for another offered,where I still being a teacher,(but in kinder garden),I do not care,as I can study the children behaviour better.What is more, I LOVE KIDS! Imagine I can play around with them,hahaha.(just hope that I would not get tired of them so soon.hahaha)
hahaha.And this is of course,the facilitates there is better than the previous one.What both the headmistresses said are also totally different,as the previous one said,"you should not tell your boss that you are stressed or else they will lost confident in you";where as the other said,"when you are under pressure or you feel unhappy with you job,please tell us and we will try to solve the problems together,dont put it in yourself." See,if you are given a choice,which will you go for?hahaha.But my papa doesnt think so,he thought that the salary there is higher,thus is better,but he never think of the pressure we are going to have.That is why I always say this," sister is going to jump from the 4th floor if she continues to teach there." We received too many complaints from the students' family,and some more,some are just nonsenses! This is what one of the grandma said:
grandma:why you did not teach my grandchild her spelling? Why she got so low mark?
my sister: Is there any spelling? She did not tell me at all. (innocent...as she did ask the children if they have any spelling or test.)
grandma:then why didn't you OPEN HER BAG AND CHECK IT YOURSELF?
... ...
$%&*@#
totally speechless.Though that was not my student,I still felt funny when my sister told me.How can we open the students' bag to check if she/he has any spelling or test or not? If we are to do so,it is sure we are going to take HOURs to check as there are alot of kids there! hahaha.

I also join a recycled materials fashion design competition which will be held in Boulevard.I will be the leader and my model will wear what I designed.hehehe.Join me if you are free on 7pm,30.8.2010 this coming Monday. ^*^

Then,it is about my car learning.Hehehe.I am now be able to drive,not too smoothly,but getting better and better.However,I am not so used to drive as I can recognise the road and direction.OMG.
secretly tell you,I still not be able to recognise the way back from my working place,that mean I still not be able to go back from my college as my college is near to the workplace. hahaha. Not Funny~

It's my first day to study at my college,SEGI College Sarawak.Everything seems so new to me and I was none other than shocked,curious,and then...WoW! Excited.hahaha.I had finally gone to part of my dream,the Psychology,what is going to happen in the future,I do not know but I will definately do my best.hehehe.
that's all for now,wow,hahaha,I am posting this in my college library while I am waiting for my mummy to pick me later.Wish everything going on smoothly.wish everything is fine.hahaha
good luck.
have a nice day.

RELAX at China Town...it is my last day in Singapore

I was going to China Town this morning,as I knew I had something to do at there.hehehe
At first,I was shocked when I saw so many massage shops even though I actually knew it,but still,SHOCKED!hahaha really did not know which one to choose.Anyway,I just wanted to find some quiet place to try on,so I went to the shop with a pretty  lady eating outside while tried to get some customers.hahaha.I did not upload the pictures here,Lazy ZZZ.hahaha.It was 45minutes and cost me $18.However,I felt nothing,not so "song"! hahaha.By the way what to do,I was not sure what I want too! just stil feeling uncomfortable at my shoulder part!
And then I headed to the stalls down there,trying to look for a mini sewing machine,I just could not understand why i couldn't find it! Then I ended up going to the food stall outside and having my breakfast+lunch.hahhaa.It was actually already 2 something.hehehe,but who cares! As long as I eaten! hahaha.I had myself a piece of kuih,(forgot the name),and a piece of "chong bing",and a big bun which at last I brought home(full).hahaha.
After that,I went up upstair again,and met this one> foot detox! hahaha wow! look so great and I was going to try it! hahaha.So I sat down and waiting for someone to serve me.A lady and a guy help me to set my machine.hehehe.here are some pictures,hehehe.

the guy kept tighten the wrist band,I did not know why,hahaha.this band was connected to an electronic device below my chair.I wondered what this is for?Tighten my nerves so the blood stucks there and for a more efficiency detoxification?hahaha
then there was stil a "waist band" hahaha I dont know what is the name of it.hahaha.It felt a little hot,hehehe,maybe to burn my fats? hahaha when thought of this then I would pull the band tighter! hahaha
this was a 30minutes session for $10.And I took the pictures at a 5minutes intervals(hahaha,sound like I was doing an experiment rather than detoxification)hahaha.first,they put the water and put some salt in it.I think that is kind of like...hypertonic solution?hahaha I still remeber my biology~lalala
1.             2.
4.
5.

6.final.hahaha luckily not that black.
after that  was cleaning up and then I was heading to Sentosa to meet my brother.hahaha.He was going to give me a treat.hehehe
and this is my bro,with his "xiao long pao",look smart,isn't it?hahaha

this is us! hahaha.with the food we ordered.
give you a closer look on the dishes:

hahaha,so many things to eat and we had 4 peoples yet,couldn't finish it! hahaha.the Pao was nice! hahaha.thanks for the treat yea brother!
hehehe.
I was spoiling myself these days,hahaha,as what Dickson micmicking me,SPOIL chin~ hahaha.
ANYTHING~ I don't care as I think this is what I deserve from my hard work.hahaha,and 2 massages in a day? definately a YES from me.hehehe.
Just want to share some of my life here.hahaha.And tomorrow I will be leaving! hahaha.
Yo! KUCHING,waits for me! hahaha
have a nice day.
good luck!