there is one I admired

There is one I admired. He is a gentleman. This time I am not going to tell him. Instead, I will put him in my deep heart core, miss him and care about him with all I can. This is the most I can do so that he will not suspect on me.
Why not other but him? I do not know. Perhaps it was the days when I saw him looked so down and upset, and a feeling of care rose from my left closet. My mind was telling me, ‘you’re responsible to care about him.’ Some more, he was those rare kind that will not count whatever he does for other, so do for me. He never tries to count on me.

He told me,' the more you sacrificed, the more advantages people will get from you, because they think this is a must so they just take it for granted.’ I know he had given a lot but he did not get what is deserved, he hurt deeply.

I know I will not take whatever he gives for granted. I will not ask anything from him in return. What I wish is: he is always happy without emoting. Hopefully this is why my mind told my heart I should care about him. I know I am not be able to cure him up, it is also unnecessary for I am the one when he has no one, but at least I wish I can be the one he can think of when he is sad or alone. I am not a cheerleader, but I am a good listener.

It is ok if he holds other girl’s hand. I will be sad for sure, but I will be happier as I know that he feels secured and happy. I am not sages, but I have a big heart, that I can give him a big smile for assuring that I am fine with anything. This is what he used to tell me. Who knows? Maybe someday else I will tell him this sentence back.

I remember there was period that I was hesitating whether should I fall for him? It was a struggling moment and I was lost. But I found it later, just let it be. I am happy if he is happy.

Don’t ask me why I choose to not to tell him. I do not want to make him sad. I also don’t want to drown our new born friendship. I am a burden, shouldn’t be loved by someone gentle like him. He ought to have his happiness, but not with me. I am spoiled, I have princess attitudes, I am a burden… it is very difficult to take care of me. So I better be alone than suffers him. So I better keep quiet if I want to continue.
“just love him with all you can when you meet a nice guy will do =) “
Indeed, I will. Thanks for his quote.

Please pretend that you do not know anything as this is the secret only for me. I am sharing it out so that I can always remember who is him, why I do this and what should I do to keep myself balance. I am not asking for anything, so please let me fall, but do not push me.