梦游记

Life is Dream Walking; I dream Walking in my LIFE^^

矛盾

想要让你开心 却又怕弄巧反拙;
想要对你很好
却又怕你会发现我的心思;
想要发简讯给你
却又怕烦到你;
想要主动和你聊天
却又怕你认为我不矜持;
想在遇见你时给你个微笑
却又怕你不理会;
想要打开你的心扉
却又怕自己不自量力;
想要让你注意到我
却又担心你只看见我的缺陷;
想要在你面前表现自己
却又担心你认为我很骄傲;
想要在你面前大胆说话、建议
却又担心你会认为我不温柔;
想要在你面前温柔文尔雅
却又担心你没注意到安静的我;
想要在你面前装柔弱
却又担心你认为我是吃不了苦的大小姐;
想要在你面前装坚强
却又担心你认为我大女人主义;
想要和你吵吵嘴
却又担心你会讨厌我;
想要经常妥协
却又担心你会认为我没主见;
想要想你
却又担心你在想别人;
想要默默的喜欢你
却又想让你知道我的想法;
想要告诉你喜欢你
却又怕为难你;
想要忘记你
却又舍不得你的好;

想一个人孤单也可以过,
却又不甘寂寞;
想要大声说爱你
却又担心得不到相同的回应;
想要为你的快乐而快乐
却又常常独自掉泪……
想要为你做的事情
却又和心里心理相反;
爱真的很矛盾……

National Day Recycle Material Fashion Show Design Competition






well,it has been a long time ago since I participated in this competition. I always forgot about this post.And now,finally I post it here. ^^
The competition was hold in Boulevard second floor,it used to be the place where competitions are organise.hahaha. It was a day before National Day,which was 30th of August,2010. When I was first telling my family I wanted to join this competition,they agreed.I was like OMG! because I thought they would say " No no no.so boring la you..." wow! it pushed me to work harder.hahaha.
Then I started my materials hunting,and a model hunting too! hahaha. I asked all my relatives and my 3gu6po to help me in searching those materials. THANKS ALOT for your help in order to make my costume looked 'perfect'. hahaha. throughtout the day, my mother always found that, the bottle caps had all gone missing. Later,she told me my brother was taking them all and giving all to me.hahaha. I was like...erm... scratching my head,acted ignorent.hahaha. At last I decided my model,my cousin.hahaha. After some 'training', she seems to be better and on the day of competition,there was even someone who said she looks like a professional model and perhaps better than them. wow! she was so happy I think she is going to faint if she heard it herself on spot.hahaha. Anyway, I always mock her that , ' see, I taught you how to cat walk and bla bla bla...' and then she always show me the face of ungrateful.hahaha. who cares,just for fun.
On the day, it was so embarrassed because I had to carry the whole costume( which is really big and obvious) into the boulevard.Everyone seems to look at us,and maybe they would think : what on earth are this two girls doing? bringing those 'weird' things...
hahaha. Again. Who cares! We were quite early so we just made up and did whatever we think is necessary at there. Of course, we met other competitors,which some of their designs were really amazing me! hahaha. It was a competition not limited to only young people, but children and elder. And the winner for the competition was the elderly group which their ideas were like 'snow white' costume. It was really cool.hehehe. Anyway, we got ourselves a consolation prize. To tell you the truth, every participant was entitled to a prize.hahaha. However, I did not think mine is the lousiest, it looks pretty nice too! this is not self-console anyway. ^^
from the left is the champion.
my group with 1st runner up!
The competition not only includes the fashion show, but also an explaination which had to do on the stage, expain briefly on the design' concept,perspective and anything related. And I was the one to explain, as my siblings did not want to 'show off'. hahaha.
i am explaining^^
It was kind of undescribeable touching and happiness when my mother came here earlier to watch the competition. Previously, no matter what event and competition I took part, she never attended. I remember I had my public speaking competition,jogathon and many more. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME! hehehe.
And she was overjoyed when she saw my prize was all the cooking ingredients. hahaha. So I handed the whole so-called-hamper to her,and got myself and my sisters the books which were given together.
OK. What I wanted to say is, this is a very interesting activity to join,beside making friends with people, it socialise my life, so that I would not be antisocial. lalala. What's more, it is kind of competition that raises your creativity,it is fun and challenging! The most important is, it realised my dream to be a fashion designer.
wow... the dream that has almost decomposed in my mind... and finally, GOTCHA! hahaha
for some reasons,I am not be able to upload the pictures here.By the way, you can go to my facebook album to have a look on it/Or perhaps I can make it to upload it here when I come to onlilne.that's all for now.
Have a nice day!
good luck!

there is one I admired

There is one I admired. He is a gentleman. This time I am not going to tell him. Instead, I will put him in my deep heart core, miss him and care about him with all I can. This is the most I can do so that he will not suspect on me.
Why not other but him? I do not know. Perhaps it was the days when I saw him looked so down and upset, and a feeling of care rose from my left closet. My mind was telling me, ‘you’re responsible to care about him.’ Some more, he was those rare kind that will not count whatever he does for other, so do for me. He never tries to count on me.

He told me,' the more you sacrificed, the more advantages people will get from you, because they think this is a must so they just take it for granted.’ I know he had given a lot but he did not get what is deserved, he hurt deeply.

I know I will not take whatever he gives for granted. I will not ask anything from him in return. What I wish is: he is always happy without emoting. Hopefully this is why my mind told my heart I should care about him. I know I am not be able to cure him up, it is also unnecessary for I am the one when he has no one, but at least I wish I can be the one he can think of when he is sad or alone. I am not a cheerleader, but I am a good listener.

It is ok if he holds other girl’s hand. I will be sad for sure, but I will be happier as I know that he feels secured and happy. I am not sages, but I have a big heart, that I can give him a big smile for assuring that I am fine with anything. This is what he used to tell me. Who knows? Maybe someday else I will tell him this sentence back.

I remember there was period that I was hesitating whether should I fall for him? It was a struggling moment and I was lost. But I found it later, just let it be. I am happy if he is happy.

Don’t ask me why I choose to not to tell him. I do not want to make him sad. I also don’t want to drown our new born friendship. I am a burden, shouldn’t be loved by someone gentle like him. He ought to have his happiness, but not with me. I am spoiled, I have princess attitudes, I am a burden… it is very difficult to take care of me. So I better be alone than suffers him. So I better keep quiet if I want to continue.
“just love him with all you can when you meet a nice guy will do =) “
Indeed, I will. Thanks for his quote.

Please pretend that you do not know anything as this is the secret only for me. I am sharing it out so that I can always remember who is him, why I do this and what should I do to keep myself balance. I am not asking for anything, so please let me fall, but do not push me.