梦游记

Life is Dream Walking; I dream Walking in my LIFE^^

静静的……


静静的
以为心已经找到了
沉默的理由
不再为任何关于你的情事物
喜怒哀乐

静静的
认为没有你的自己
还是自己
就像不曾心动过


静静的
告诉自己
一切都已经过去了
虽无法重来
却也不能继续

静静的
听见你的声音
仿佛世界只有你的存在
曾以为安静的湖面
又泛起涟漪

静静的
就像窗外的雨滴
规则的旋律
“滴答、滴答……”
再怎么不想去承认
也无法欺骗自己
原来
我还没有释怀

静静的
才发现思念
在看见你以后
已慢慢涌上心头
只是
再多的话
也只能卡在心口
默默的
说给自己听

静静的,
静静的……
静静的?

它,
能静静的……吗?

静静的,
消失在我的
左边胸口……

静静的,
保存在心底
不让任何人晓得……

decision after several thoughts

After long discussions with friends and thoughts,I had finally made up my mind on where am I going to study.
Before this,I was quite confused and I really couldnt decide where should I go,there is just too much for me to think and relate to.
My papa asked me to go back to Kuching to study in my last call to them,as there are alot of reasons to say.hahaha.
Part of the reasons are:
1.my friends and family are all there,and as if I am studying there,I will not have to miss them and I can meet them whenever I want.hahaha.
2.i can save alot of expenses as I do not have to pay for the house or room rental,catering fees,transport fee and even air ticket!hahaha...bla bla bla...can save so much as all my expenses will be offered by my parents.hahaha
3.If I study in Kuching,I can still learn some of my interests that I did not realised when I was in secondary school,like I can learn dancing,knitting,swimming,etc,as I am now have money to support myself to do that without burden my parents.
4. I can learn driving and get my liscence!hahaha,so hopefully you can see I drive soon.
5.If I am in Kuching then I can continue to get medicine from my doctor without have to ask my parents to post it to me or by other means.who knows,I will be cured one day.hahaha
6.I also can find some part time job at Kuching too as I am familiar with the place so I wont have to crack into the new environment and adapt to it.hahaha
7. xxx ( i think still have some more but I cant remember it)hehehe
see,there are so many reasons I should stay home!hahaha
there are only 2 things I can think of about the "disavantage" if I live in Kuching,hahaha
1. I cannot continue with my modeling job as it is very limited in sarawak but if I stay in kl there are much more choices on the jobs;
2.i cant get any experience on living in other place >.<
hahaha.so,PROs are more than CONs.

So,as I think that is possible for me to go back to study,I am now narrowing my choices to either going to INTI college or SEGI college in Kuching.
For INTI college,I will choose the A-Level program before I persue to Psychology course,the intake is july;
for SEGI college,I will choose the American Degree Program in Psychology intake in august,as I can still transfer to other university and whats more,I can even go to Australia,my dream place! hahaha.
So,where am I going?mostly SEGI liao~hehehe.
but what dismay me is not much people know about the ADP,though it is now beginning to rapid grow among the universities in Malaysia.By the way,I think I can do it! hehehe.so,wish me luck yea!hahaha
this is the link on what am I going to study,interested?go and have a look then.hahaha
http://www.segi.edu.my/campus/scs/programmes.htm
for this,I would like to show my appreciation to some of my friends who helped me alot:
1.Shirlene Liew for helping me to look for the info of INTI;
2.Kelly Wong for clearing my doubts during my miserable moment;
3.Shane Ten for giving me info on the ADP and lots of useful informations;
4.Winnie Lim who always help me when I said I want to study in HELP,(really feel sorry for putting her "aeroplane" at last)
5.there are much more who help in minor like Jane,Ching foong and Da Ge Ge.
thanks to all of you.hehehe
THANK YOU VERY  MUCH
thats all from me for now,I really have think it twice and wish I can really get what I want.
Good luck to all.
gambate!

you are nice,but you are not Mine ...

Once
u treated me nice
i cut my finger
terrified by the worm,
it was u
doing the rest of things for me;

Once
i was always not tall enough to reach the rack,
it was u
who put down all the things in hands
and got the tub I needed for me;
i shall never forget
your pretended-blaming-expression
when the water dipped out from the tub
and wet your shirt
the sincere and kiddy expression
that warmed my heart;

once
i was stubborn;
it was you
fighting with me
by using our eyes
---> o.O vs O.o "
maybe that was the moment
I was electrocuted by you
it was so funny
when I thinking of this
but it was you
who make me think I worth a live
because I still can fight;

once
i was scalded by the boiling soup,
it was you
first to ridicuole me
as in I was kidding
but after seeing the painfulness in my eyes
u were more to caring
and hold my hands
to see the scald;
I would never forget that moment
A beloved man showing his caring
though I am not his love...

once
i was broken heart
it was you
throwing my love
into pieces
with your silentness
and the explaination in your eyes;

once
i was thinking,
it was you
who make me felt love and loved
but it was just my imagination;
perhaps
it was me
growing all the doubtness
that pushing you furthur from me
until losing all the happiness we used to have;
until the awkward feeling filled the atmosphere around us;
it was u
who woke me up
that i am not suitable to love
but loved;

there are always some memories between us
that I shall not forget
for the rest of my life
the valuable treasure
which keeps inside my secret closet
forever...
I will always rememeber
there was a guy,
who ever brighten my day with a simple "bye bye";

the guy,
who is nice,
but not MINE...

Its ok I didnt get it O:)

The day seems longer than usual,I couldn't wait for anymore minute longer,yet,I told myself not to panic and don't put on so much of hope on it.
The moment arrived and I was panicked when I couldn't log in to view my status.hahaha.After couple of times of trying,guess what?
I DIDN'T GET IT!
Feeling little of dismay and disappointed,why? Why I didn't get it? I don't know.I have done my best in my exam,interview,but what I got is "tidak dapat menawarkan"!
Anyway,there are lots of friends that did not get this too,so,I don't mind anymore! I understand clearly how they picked,what to do,this is MALAYSIA!
By the way,I am quite confuse where to study the next.After a long stay in Singapore,I felt like not going anywhere else to study but in my own hometown,with all my friends and family over there.But then,I also felt like going to other places to study as what I dreamt and to gain more experience.
Though there are lots of university for me to pick,I still don't know where to go.
last time,my first wish is to go Monash University,who knows they doesn't give full scholarship,so--->give up.
now,I am considering
1.HELP UNIVERSITY COLLEGE for the Psychology course at august intake(but just now went to research and read that it is quite expensive and hard to graduate,is that true?)hahaha
2.SEGI COLLEGE,Sarawak for the American Degree transfer Program,which I can study at Kuching for 4 years or I can choose to go other place to pursue my studies!
3.UCSI kl for the september intake for foundation in psychology.
4.SUNWAY in KL for the psychology program...
hmm,if I have to study in KL and I have to rent a room or house there o,reluctant to do so because I have to pay!hahaha,I want to save all my money la.anyway,if I study in KL and there will be a chance for me to be more independent though I have to make new friends there and miss old friends here,and it will be a better opportunity for me to find some part time job for myself to gain more experiences! hahaha
My mama said if I really go to KL and maybe can ask my papa to go with me and find room for me first,hahaha.It is ok I did not get it,I know there will be more pathways for me.hahaha
wow! I think alot.
And I think more! hahaha.
should I change my dream course to other like biomedic or biology or just simply the business or science?
oww!hahaha,I dont know...
hmm.what to do now? I dont know la! hahaha.so lazy to think anymore.Just wait for the matric reappealing result tomorrow and see how first.hahaha.all the best luck to all my friends! don't give up o~
good luck
gambate.

如果,那么我XXX


如果我哭了,
那不代表我懦弱,
哭后反而会变得更坚强;

如果我一个人,
那不代表我寂寞,
而是我能单独做自己想做的事;

如果我心痛了,
不是因为没有你,
而是因为没有了自己;

如果我笑了,
不是因为拥有你,
而是知道你幸福了;

如果我爱你,
不是因为你是你,
而是把你当成自己了;

如果我不爱了,
不是因为等太久,
而是把对你的爱放下了;

如果我伤心,
不是因为你的拒绝,
而是自己的无法放弃;

如果我把眼镜拆下,
那是因为我想用朦胧的视线看世界,
暂时逃离眼前清楚的事实;
如果甜蜜,
就是心跳加速,
好像心脏快要跳出来的样子;
那么心痛,
就是心跳渐渐变慢,
直到感觉快要窒息为止……

如果爱一个人,
需要找到对的方程式;
那么爱你,
我会找到正确的方式…… <3

Much To thInk .oO

I do not know what and how should I feel right now...
there just simply doesnt have any mood that suits me for this moment...
My heart is totally...EMPTY...
Since when I always have this dumb feeling,I am not sure.I am tired,just want to lie down and have a good rest.
I met you today,and we did not talk at all,just one sentence you told me,"table 6."
You kept playing and chatting with others,I should know that you were actually trying to make me feel bad,so that I can hate you,is tat so? Or i guess wrongly? I DONT KNOW!
the last sentence you said," I dont wish to see you anymore." I should know that you were actually talking to me,but not the people beside me.
Am I so hatred?
Am I so unreliable?
Am I so ... until you dont want to see me,and keep taking off to avoid me?
I DONT KNOW.
what can I do is just>>>GUESSING.
Why we turn out to be like this?
YeoYeo mama said,"doesnt like you,just give up! the gals like us,so nice so small very nice to hug,dont need to worry no people want,and easy to find company!" Is that true? I DONT KNOW!
There are so much to think...And I am not going to let this feelling pulls me down to the core.
I always read CL the 8gong's emo posts;
I know how X_X feels when he had to break with his beloved one;
I understand what all those about and I know why I will feel this so strongly,
I thought it will be easy for me,
as I understand it,
but how silly i am...
as I couldn't.
From you sight
I know maybe I was wrong to do all the decisions between us,
until there is a glimpse of weirdness among us.
Should I be blamed?
I never regret it.
what should i do?
what can i do?
what will i do?
I DONT KNOW~

there are so much to think!
I was wondering why the ESILA website couldn't I logged on...
Is there alot of students who were now trying to log on like me to see the result?but the result havent released yet?
How if I am not selected?
which university should I go?
Again, I DONT KNOW.hahaha.

ONE MORE!
I am getting FATTER!
huh~vjust dont know why,I thought I am keeping fit all the way,but my face just grows fatter like that.AHHH! until i can see my double chin so easily! OMG! whats more,I am still eating chocolate! hahaha.just cant leave it!
Life is just too messy for me right now.Everything will be fine,indeed,it always does!
So,I wont go and think about it.hahaha,just let it be.I dont want to make myself so suffering thinking so much of unnecessary reasons for myself.hahaha.Smile and it will soon go away too!
Good luck to me!
have a nice day!
gambate ah!

1/4 的红苹果

很久以前,有个单纯的女孩,在男孩家开的水果店打工。也许相处久了,也许是男孩的细心,让她感到很温暖,让她不知不觉地喜欢上了男孩。
在发现自己爱意后的每一天里,女孩都会切1/4 的红苹果给男孩吃。也许已经习惯了女孩的这个举动,男孩并没有多加留意什么。
在那年的那个情人节,男孩身边多了个女孩,和男孩很匹配。女孩削了最后一次红苹果给男孩……谁知道,刚巧遇见男孩和女孩在吵架。那个女孩不顾一切的奔向马路,男孩追上前去,前面疾驰而来的车辆,眼看就要撞到男孩……
这个时候,拿着1/4红苹果的女孩,在最后一刻,把男孩从危险中脱出,而自己,却被奔驰的车子撞个正着,手中紧握的1/4的苹果,掉了下来,变成两半……
不晓得过了多少年,男孩和那个女孩结婚了。
但是男孩还是改不了那年的习惯,要这个女孩继续着为他而牺牲女孩的习惯,每天削1/4的苹果给他吃。是为了纪念她?还是怕自己会忘记她?男孩自己也不明白……
忽然,只听见女孩对男孩说:“你有没有发觉,这样子切开来1/4的苹果,像什么?”
“它……象一颗心。”男孩看着女孩摆的红苹果,缓缓地说出口,仿佛自己早已了解,只是不愿去承认、假装不知道罢了~
事过境迁,万事早已被注定,过去的也无法挽回。也许,只有这个1/4的红苹果,能证明,有个人曾深深的爱着他。现在他所能做的,只有好好珍惜现在的幸福,不让它从手中溜走……
“若一个女孩喜欢一个男孩,她会送他1/4的红苹果。”

有没有人送过你1/4的红苹果呢?
有没有人问你要不要吃1/4的红苹果呢?
如果有的话,请你注意……
也许,她/他在等你的回应……
请好好珍惜。


《梦姑娘短篇故事2》

EmoING .oO

Today is Mother's Day,I am not at home celebrating with my beloved mama and family,all I can do is calling her and chat with her.
There is nothing much to talk actually,just something usual...Mama asked me is it tiring and tough to work at here? For the very first time I pulled down my strong-pretended-mask,telling her I am getting tired,and I miss home alot...She did ask me to go back but I insisted as I promised I will bring at least RM3000 when I go back,and I would not make them feel ashame in front of other relatives. I told her I will buy a thermal pot for her when I am back in July,she was overjoyed during listened to this.hahaha.
Then she told me they had celebrated the festive yesterday,yet,my siblings still bought a cake for her. hahaha,but she did not know what the cake is.hahaha.Then she told me some more: the cake was bought by my siblings,with the ratio 2:1:1,and you know what?hahaha,my youngest brother is the ratio of 2 and his 2 elder sisters bullied him by asking him to pay more.hahaha.How funny is this!
After that I talked to my sister,and she told me it is a cinderella fresh cream cake,hahaha,i bet i would like it if I was there! Next,I chatted with my papa.He remains the same,the first question was " do you have enough money to use or not?" hahaha.and then was " is it very expensive to call back?" OMG~ I had repeated the answers over and over but he still does not believe me! hahaha.What's more,he still asking me when I am going to study,I actually also told him this couple of times before but he just couldn;t remember,or should I say,HE DID NOT TRY TO REMEMBER?Hahaha,but I know he is getting older,his memory is going to fade bit by bit.And you know what?Some more similar sentence! "Dont talk so long,you see the phone is going to explode!" hahaha.He is so cute,indeed.hahaha.
By the way,he did ask something different,something same as my mama..." are you tire of the work?is it tough?" hahaha.yea,I am tired,wanted to go home,meet my friends and family,leave this lonely and cold place.However,I cant.I have to stand all the missing feeling,in order to achieve what I want and what I have promised.
Anyway, I MISS my PAPA,MAMA,SIS,BRO,3GU6PO and RELATIVES very much! How can I express to you how much I miss you just by this sentence~ hahaha...
AND...
Yeo yeo mama,dont worry too much,even if you worry,you sad,nothing will help to cure the incident.Dont worry so much,remember to eat and dont cry... Everything will get better,jia you! and I love you too,yeoyeo mama,thanks for the advices that you had given me and the encouraging words that you beared in my mind.

hmm...My feeling box in the left chest corner is now totally blank,empty...I dont know how should i feel and what should I feel right now.
I miss,
I love,
I hurt,
I lost,
I give up,
I sad,
I emo,
but
I DO NOT cry
I DO NOT regret
I DO NOT scare...
why should I cry/regret/scare of? I keep asking myself this...what and whoever that can make me cry/regret/scare? those who can and who will make me cry,regret and scare is someone or something that is not need to be treasured,am I right?
or should I remember it all the time so that it can be a good experience for me?
there are so much to worry,I shall be happy,so that my life is easier and happier.I wont let the feeling goes far and goes deep,until it is rooted in my heart.
I will be happy,as what I always tell myself to do...
"hahaha,smile to the hardships,as it will pass!"
 hahaha,my motto,how could I forget it? lalala.yoyoyo
Finish emoING,now is HAPPYing~
hahaha.thanks alot for those who love me and dont love me,I love all of you!
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
I LOVE MY MAMA!
and I love all the mama in this world! thanks for sacrifiying so much for us,we will be happy in order to return your loves.

总是,以为自己拥有一切;
总是,奋不顾身往前冲;
总是,憧憬着美好的将来;
总是;认为自己很坚强;
总是,以为自己很乐观;
总是,觉得自己很快乐;
总是,想所有人都幸福;
却总是,摔了一身伤……

现在,是一切回到原点的时候了……
躲回过去那个无忧无虑无烦恼的贝壳里,
纪念过去;
忘记现在,
向往将来;
我会是我自己的自己,不属于任何人……

曾经,以为自己会得到幸福,憧憬的未来是美好的。可是,现实一次又一次的破坏了我的想法;
曾经,我是那么的消极,还记得两行眼泪在我脸庞不停的流下来的滚烫滋味;
曾经,我是那么的让人担心;
曾经,我是那么努力的改变自己,让快乐重现在我嘴角;
曾经,我是那么的幸福,有大家的爱;
曾经,我是那么的努力,让被担心转为为他人担心;
曾经,我认为自己只需要自己……
那么多的曾经,却又再现眼前,
我又得一一经历他们,
又再一次经历伤痛,经历成长。

最近的我,好像变得很消极,新加坡的妈妈一直叫我要多笑,要开心点,不要闷闷不乐;就连朋友都问我:“你最近怎么闷闷的?有事吗?”
我说:“有吗?”我真的没有察觉到,我似乎又变回以前那个懦弱的自己了,讨厌这样的自己……我该是个快乐的青春少女,应该是拥有很多爱的女生,为什么还那么的不自觉,那么的不懂得感激,还要奢侈得更多呢?
永远忘不了那年,我是多么的努力,才能改掉那个消极的坏习惯,从一个成天流泪的懵懂女生,变成一个有自信的快乐女孩。
原来,消极已经根深蒂固在我心里了。它还是不时走出来,企图扰乱我快乐的生活……

为什么? 我的脑海里什么都想不到,只有这句话,一直蹦出来,在我脑里一直转来转去。也许是我自己太自大了,也许是我太粗心了,以致一再犯错而不自知。
从你昨天的眼神中,我明白你看到了那封信息,是我不好,算错时间,原以为那封简讯会过期的……对不起,带给你困扰了。但是我还是没有后悔过,没有后悔说出口,说出口却让你看见我就觉得尴尬,不好意思,我忘记原来还有“尴尬” 这两个字,会弥漫在我们之间。我从来没有想过,也没有去计算过。我只知道,这件事我想了多久,犹豫了多久,最后用最大的勇气,谁晓得,却是愚弄了自己……
‘对不起’,我现在只能说这句话了。
也许,我真的不适合爱一个人。或许,我只能被爱,这样,就不会受伤害了。
今天,是我最后一天情绪化了;明天的我,又是以前那个整天微笑的快乐女孩。
这样的我,至少能让人认为我是快乐的;至少,我知道自己有能力给自己快乐,不需要任何人的帮助。
我知道,我还有很多很爱很疼很想我的朋友和家人。我有那么多的爱,我是幸福的,不是吗?我是自私的,我不想把所有人给我的爱,都倾注给你。这样的赌注,我玩不起~
现在的我,还是会留一小部分的空间给你,偶尔想想你,想想以前的回忆,那是幸福的。谢谢你曾帮助过我,谢谢你曾经那么体贴。可是现在,我要把其他的爱,通通给爱我的人。
请别困扰,请别担心,请给我时间去改变。我会像老鹰那样,为了生活下去,而把自己过去的翅膀拔掉,等新的翅膀生出来的时候,我会是个更耀眼的自信女孩,在我的天空自由飞翔。
只是,够了,我的心不想再补了。再碎的话,就拼凑不回来了。
现在的我,就等人来爱就好了。
请原谅我的自私与不懂事。
你或许不会看见这个,更不会知道,我曾希望,自己能成为你快乐的来源。
想做一件事,让你更快乐的事,好让你心中,埋下我的名字……

曾经希望,
我是你的许愿树,
聆听你的每一个梦想,
实现你的每一个愿望…

现在,让它们像海浪打在岸边,
转眼即逝……
放了爱,为了爱;这并不是我想要的结果,可是只有放了爱,我也许才能寻获真正的自己。
让我慢慢的张开双手,把手中紧握住的你给我的回忆,像沙子一样慢慢放开,回归大海,消失匿迹……
请原谅我的自私和懦弱,让我慢慢放开~
是时候,一切都要回到原点了。
要笑哦~
*我爱你*
我会好好的!
加油!
愿你幸福~

StuPidA

Alot of things happened these days,and I felt my health is in an alarm situation...why? I dont know.Went to visit doctor yesterday,the doctor told me maybe is the weather too hot,so I am sick.Anyway,she gave me medicines.OMG! 3 types! when I first ate the medicine,I straight away feel drowziness,arrhhh! so uncomfortable,and I went to sleep but still CANT SLEEP! I thought i was going to hit myself towards the wall and fainted,maybe it would be better.hahaha.
some more,I worked morning shift today -.-!!! so i did not dare to eat the medicine that can cause drowziness,just ate the other two,then you know what happen? The sickness symptoms gets away and for the medicine that I dint take,the sickness still there! arrhhh! I felt myself so stupid! hahaha
Before this,I was doing cashier work at my working place,when the time to count the sales,alamak! my colleage said I short $48.++ .How shock i was at that moment! was my mathematics not good enough,or I throw the money into the bin??? so many question marks in my mind but the money still couldn't be found.I did not care and I told them I will top up.The second day,I was sick...hahaha.Manager called me and asked me to rest if really could not work,and then she told me the money they counted wrongly,not my fault.hahaha.this proved that my math still ok~ lalala...
one more thing,hahaha.I felt I am really stupid! hahaha...
I actually finished my work at 6 o clock,but a strong feeling of missing him made me went to his working place to "peep" him! hahaha...I walked 20 minutes to go and see him.hahaha,but this is not reluctant.I am happy to see he is well at the new place,and I saw him playing with his colleage.His funny action made me felt nice,hahaha.At least I know,he can be quite well adapted to the new environment ^^ by the way,I miss him alot. for those who read this post,please "shhh"...hahaha.
I am stupid rite? my supervisor gave me 1 hour earlier to go back to rest but I spent the time to go visit him silently.hahaha.
I think I will become more and more stupid,if I continue my life like this.hahaha.I am tired,want to go home...
here seems nothing for me to have a reason to stay anymore...I do not want to bring back my broken heart,and mending it at home.I am very sorry to bring confusion to him,and sorry for bringing any inconvenience to anyone,but I am not regret,and will not regret for telling the truth.
Anyway,as I predicted the outcome,I should also have some handling methods too! hahaha,however until tis second,I still cant think of any solution to solve this problem that I brought up~ hahaha.just let it be then,everything willl be fine^^
Now I am waiting for my JPA result.Whether can I get it or not,I still have to search for some other sources of scholarhips,just in case I cant get this,hahaha.
Where will I be in next 2 months,I dont know.I just hope everything will go on smoothly,and the stupid bad luck is away from me! hahaha.
hmm...these are some stupid things that I had done these days.hahaha.by the way,I DONT WANT TO BE MORE STUPID anymore! hahaha
good luck!
gambate and have a nice day^^

情书

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|  ♥♥♥                                                                           |
|                                                                                     |
|              我爱你,♥♥♥。                                             |
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